The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
An extraordinary flight of Lady Birds distinguished the annals of
Margate and Ramsgate last year. They covered the coast for miles,
extending all the way to Herne Bay, and even as far as Gravesend. They
are supposed to have been brought from London, as the decks of the
steamers were completely strewed with them. The piers at all the
watering-places, the hotels, the tea-gardens, the shrimp-parlours, were
immediately occupied, and it was a matter of difficulty, soon after
their arrival, to find a single bed empty. The inhabitants foolishly
imagine that these Lady Birds commit a deal of injury, and they do
everything they can to drive them away from the place. They lay traps in
the windows to catch them, consisting of a piece of pasteboard, on which
is inscribed a charm, of two simple words, "TO LET;" or sometimes it is
only one word, as "TOLETT." Directly the Lady Bird sees this, she knocks
at the door, and flies into the house; but when once she is inside, she
is subject to all the little persecutions which, since the sea-side was
discovered, have been showered upon the poor race of Lady Birds. She is
teased out of her life; she is not allowed to eat anything in comfort;
her meals are taken away from her; till at last her whole enjoyment is
poisoned, and she is glad to wing her way back again to London.
Naturalists, however, have proved that the Lady Birds do incalculable
good to every spot where they settle. Broadstairs has been built by
their pretty exertions. Erith has been raised by them out of the sand;
and Rosherville would never have been dug out of a chalk-pit if it had
not been for the swarms of Lady Birds! It is true they buzz terribly,
and make a great noise whenever more than two of them appear together;
but this defect is more than counterbalanced by their gay colours, which
resemble the richest silks and satins; and their dazzling appearance,
which sparkles with all the force of diamonds when viewed by
candle-light. Nothing prettier than to watch an assembly of them in the
evening. They crowd at the libraries; they fill the ball-rooms, where
they mimic the movements of the waltz; they throng Tivoli and St.
Peter's, where the fireworks are not more brilliant than they; they
sing, and dance, and laugh, and do everything like human creatures, but
reason. And these are the poor little harmless creatures whom the
inhabitants of the different watering-places delight in persecuting.
Why, they carry gaiety and happiness wherever they appear; and as for
hurting anybody, there is not a sting amongst a whole townful of them.
It is a fiction to suppose that the age of the Lady Bird can be told by
the marks on her back. This provision on the part of nature would in
fact be quite superfluous, for it is very curious that no Lady Bird at
the sea-side is ever less than fourteen, or more than eighteen.