When the winter comes round the _Aphis Devastator_ looks over her stores, and begins to count if her provisions will last her till the summer. Her coals are put away into the cellar; her wine and spirits are arranged in the different cupboards; her candles are measured out; and everything placed upon the save-all system. Woe to her young then, if she catches one of them lifting the lid of a pie, and helping himself to the solids or fluids within! The chances are she would eat him up on the spot. The husband's appetite, too, is put upon a reduced scale, and he is only allowed a glass of grog when there has been stuffing for dinner, or when another _Aphis_ drops in. The voracity of the whole family is kept under during the winter, but then it breaks out with all the greater fury afterwards. The legs and shoulders of the first lodger of the season generally feel this pretty sharply. He has not a joint which, after the first day, he can call his own. A blight invariably follows; for whatever the _Aphis Vastator_ touches is sure to go immediately. It is difficult to describe the _Aphises_ externally, for they take up so wonderfully quick the habits of each new lodger that they are always changing. YOUR ROOM IS PREFERRED TO YOUR COMPANY. AN IMAGINARY CONVERSATION OVERHEARD IN BAKER STREET. _Mrs. Armytage, the greatest woman in the world (ringing the bell at Madame Tussaud's)_—"Oh, if you please, madam, I have called to inquire if you wanted a 'magnificent addition?'" _Madame T._—"No, thank you; we're quite full." _Mrs. A._—"You might find a spare corner, madam." _Madame T._—"A spare corner? Why, bless me, my good woman, you wouldn't have me turn out the 'Royal Family' to accommodate you!" BACON'S NOVUM ORGANUM. What is the greatest obstacle to Jews sitting in Parliament? The extraordinary quantity of _gammon_ they must swallow. * * * * * ADVICE TO PERSONS TBOUT TO MARRY.—Never attempt to buy furniture at a sale, _excepting on a Saturday_, for on that day only are the sale-rooms freed from the Jews, whose countenances never appear as at an auction so particularly _forbidding_. THE CHEMIST'S CAT.