The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
But Tom soon came back, for no one would have him. Science, who labels
some men F.R.S.'s, or tags half the alphabet to the end of their names,
had not forgotten to mark her humble follower, the cat. He had lost one
ear in some acoustic experiment; one eye was closed for ever, from
having the operation for squinting practically illustrated some dozen
times; and he was lame in one of his hind legs, the tendon having been
cut to exemplify the method of operating for club-foot; while his coat,
once remarkably glossy, had such a second-hand, seedy appearance that it
would not have tempted a Jew.
At last he died, a martyr to science. Phipps had invented some wonderful
pulmonic lozenge, containing a great deal of morphia, which was to cure
coughs at first sight. Tom had been rather asthmatic for some time,
owing to inhaling noxious gases; so Phipps gave him a good dose to begin
with. Next morning he was found very fast asleep, and extremely rigid in
his limbs. Dick suggested that he was dead, but his master indignantly
repudiated the idea; so Tom was kept, in the full expectation that he
would one day start up quite lively, till at length the moth got into
his coat, and Phipps was compelled to consign his furry friend to a
grave in the garden. Phipps never had his usual spirits again. His
experiments were at an end; for though he would sometimes furtively
introduce some drug or other into Dick's tea or beer, that young
gentleman soon found it out, and took his meals ever afterwards with his
mother, who was the proprietress of a veal-and-ham pie depôt in an
adjacent court. Phipps wanders about the College of Surgeons a
melancholy man, and amuses himself dreaming over experiments he would
perform if he could only get such another cat! He is not best pleased
however, when he meets any young friend of Dick's, who violates private
confidence by running after him and inquiring at the very top of his
voice, "Who killed the cat?"
HUNTING AN HEIR.
MY DEAREST ELIZA,
Our pretty little pack of Belgrave Square Harriers had their first
winter meeting on Thursday last at Lady Hurtleberry's.
It is impossible to conceive a more desirable place for the sport of
their hunting than her Ladyship's. The gorgeous rose-coloured damask
hangings give the finest possible tone to the complexion, the
purple-flowered _tapis_ sets off the foot to the greatest advantage,
whilst a grand piano by BROADWOOD, and a harp by ERARD, afford the most
convenient opportunities for the display of accomplishments.
The "meet" took place at nine o'clock precisely, and a better "room"
could not be desired.
As each member of the Hunt keeps her own harriers at "Walk," the first
Meeting is always interesting from the number of new "drafts." In
addition, therefore, to those harriers that hunted last season, with all
of whom you are well acquainted, the following new entries were made:—
Lady Browbeater's Lucy Jane; "too short in the head," to my fancy.