'Tis of a foreign gentleman, Androcles was his name, Who being somewhat "seedy"—many others are the same— Having no shares to stag, no scrip to get from a new line, Walked off into a savage place, with Humphrey's duke to dine. Chance brought him to a rocky cave, whence issued cries of woe; A lion there was screaming, with a splinter in his toe: He volunteered his services; the noble brute, not proud, A surgical inspection of his tender foot allowed. Androcles drew the splinter out; the lion joy expressed— This ends the first part of my lay; Part II. contains the rest. PART II. There's tumult in the Forum, and the people onward press; Androcles, now a criminal, is in a precious mess: He's got to meet a lion, hungry, savage, and unchained; And act Van Amburgh with a beast that never has been trained. The Colosseum's rows are filled with citizens of mark— Vespasian's amphitheatre, not the one in Regent's Park— The tribunes and ὁι πολλοι are all making up their books, Or drawing for a lion "sweep," with eager turfish looks. The den is opened, horror reigns, no soul is heard to speak; Androcles strikes an attitude, like Keller's _Poses Plastiques_; When Nero, darting from his cage, no longer fierce and wild, Takes up the doomed one in his arms as though he were a child; And roars and dances gaily on his hind legs loud and long, As we have seen the Nigger when he sings the Banjo song. The criminal is innocent!—he need no longer stay; And with the lion arm-in-arm he bows and walks away.— And so long live Androcles, and the lion long live he; And next time such a thing occurs, may we be there to see! [Illustration: LEO—Androcles and the Lion. ] [Illustration] THE BOUQUET PROJECTOR, OR CERITO CATAPULT. The great difficulty experienced in throwing bouquets to popular performers has long been the subject of complaint at the Opera and other theatres. It is calculated that, in every twelve bouquets thrown at the stage, three fall in the stalls, four hit the fiddles, two reach the proscenium (one of which tumbles at the feet of somebody it was not intended for), and the rest fly into the pit-boxes, where they were never meant to go, or break into pieces in the air, showering down like floricultural rockets upon the heads of the spectators. To remedy this inconvenience the Cerito catapult has been invented. It consists of a gun working with a spring; and the nicest aim can be taken, as it is screwed on to the front of the box. N.B.—Double-barrelled machines for a _pas de deux_; and bouquets prepared, like grapeshot, to tumble into thirty small ones, for danseuses Viennoises and Anglaises. THINGS TO BE BORNE IN MIND IN JULY.