[SCENE—A TEA TABLE.] You like it weak, Miss Patience Crab,—the same, just as the last? (As I was saying, all those Smiths are living much too fast.) One lump of sugar more, my dear? Thank you, that's just the thing. (No income can support those trips to London every spring—) Another crumpet, dear Miss Quince—nay, just one tiny bit? (The set the girls made at Sir John did not turn out a hit.) Poor Carlo don't seem very well; I think he has caught cold— (The eldest girl is passable, I own, but much too bold.) The poor dear darling little dog is anything but strong. (Depend upon it, we shall hear of something going wrong.) Another cup, love? Sugar? Milk? I hope you like your tea? (I don't mean to insinuate—no matter—we shall see.) Now let me recommend the cake; you'll find it very nice. (I really hope that those poor Smiths will take some friend's advice.) [_Cats and dogs begin to fight—parrot screams—confusion. The conversation is broken up._] THINGS TO BE BORNE IN MIND IN AUGUST. About the 10th, look for falling stars—not various actors, authors, and singers I could name, but shooting meteors. If they do not appear, you must blame them, and not me. Towards the 12th, tell all your friends how deuced disagreeable it is to be tied by the leg from pressure of business, and not able to accept an invitation to the Highlands, where a thousand acres of grouse have been preserved on purpose for you. About the end, buy a guinea shooting-jacket, and hang it about your room. Also keep an old gun, to be cleaning whenever your friends call. By the way, if you should go to the North, avoid buying one of those shooting-jackets said, in the advertisements, to resemble the "bonnie heather," because your back, being seen in motion, may be taken by an inexperienced friend for a bush with a bird in it, and you will probably receive the contents of his double-barrel in the neighbourhood of your lumbar vertebræ. [Illustration: VIRGO—Unmatched enjoyment. ] HISTORICAL MEMORANDA: KINDLY FURNISHED TO THE EDITOR BY THE MEMBERS OF THE OLD ORIGINAL "ARCHÆOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION," RESPECTING THE NEW HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT.