The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
Acting upon the Greek maxim, γνωθι σεαυτον, devoted his whole life to
solving the mysterious problem of "what's what?" Yet he burst his boiler
eventually, and, as he was accustomed with a melancholy facetiousness to
remark, was seldom able to fill his own stuffing-box. He choked himself
with a new roll, which was in consequence termed a penny buster. His
great bust was the work of Chantrey. To him we owe the invention of the
baked-tater can. His hymns have been much admired.
NEWTON,
The great inventor of the solar system, was descendant of the Earl of
Orrery. He discovered the centrifugal force from watching the scenes in
the circle at Astley's. Whilst seated in his usual place in the pit one
night, he was hit on the head by an apple from the gallery, supposed to
have been aimed at Widdicombe, which led him to the discovery of the
gravity of the earth, though it destroyed that of the house. Yet this
great man was in his old age reduced to keep an eating-house near
Leicester Square, formerly called the Hotel Newton, but now better known
as Berthollini's.
DR. JENNER,
Whilst in the incipient stages of small-pox, was tossed by a cow, which
led him to the discovery of vaccination. Yet he was often without the
means of procuring a ha'porth of milk; so that he was wont to say, when
in a merry mood, that although his discovery had extirpated the
confluent state, it had not left him in an affluent one. Cowes was his
favourite residence, where he died in a state of monomania, fancying
himself one of them.
HARVEY,
Invented the circulation of the blood; yet he composed his "Meditations
amongst the Tombs" with no other stimulus than a bottle of his own
sauce, during an excursion to Kensal Green. Ultimately, coming to
poverty, he took the situation of Hermit, at Vauxhall, and lived upon
pulse. His works are now only found at circulating libraries.
PRIESTLEY,
Although he discovered the properties of air, had not sufficient
property of his own to raise the wind. He found out the composition of
the atmosphere; but was unable to effect a composition with his
creditors. During the "NO POPERY" riots his house was torn down by the
mob, who said they would have "none of that _air_." He afterwards
travelled about the country with lucifer matches, whence he has been
erroneously termed a light porter. He died ultimately from want of
breath, ungratefully deserted by that element which he had raised from
obscurity, and left his discoveries as an _heir_loom to the nation. He
died in a Wynd in Edinburgh, but his remains were afterwards removed to
Ayr, where an humble admirer afterwards inscribed this terse but
touching epitaph upon his tomb:—
"Here lies Priestley.
Whose treatment was beastly."
DAVY (SIR HUMPHREY),