The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
Harold was killed by an arrow, as is commonly believed. It was, however,
a species of suicide, as he stuck it into his head himself, on the sly,
not choosing to trust to the archery of the soldiers. Considering the
lightness of the dress in which he went to battle it is a wonder he was
not killed before. His armour was simply rings of tin, tacked upon
cotton velvet.
The story of the old chroniclers that Harold survived the battle,
receives some confirmation from the fact that half an hour after the
contest he was seen, muffled in a Tweed, asking the price of some
sausages in the New Cut. These were probably to subsist on in his
retirement.
The Norman William celebrated his conquest by taking a pipe and a glass
of grog, with one particular friend, at an hostelry adjoining the scene
of action, when it was all over.
[Illustration]
TREACHERY AT WATERLOO
According to the latest Astley authorities, dated last June, the Battle
of Waterloo occupied six minutes exactly. Several French soldiers walked
undisguisedly into the quarters of the English army before the fight
commenced; and some, at the extreme back of the scene, fought
indiscriminately on either side, as occasion required. But the gravest
circumstance is, that in the heat of the action the Duke of Wellington,
approaching Marshal Soult, said to him, "Don't let your fellows fire
until mine have!" a course which must have led them to destruction, had
not General Widdicombe roared, with a voice of thunder, "What the devil
are you doing there, you stupid asses?"—which produced the last grand
charge. The story of the ball at Brussels is an idle invention. The
officers were at no ball at all; except two, who had visited Mr. Baron
Nathan's assembly at Kensington but a little time previously: and as to
their being taken by surprise, they knew for weeks what was coming, even
to the very hour and minute of the attack, and the precise manner in
which it would be made. The following beautiful lines are but little
known, and well deserve a place in this report. They are the production
of Lord Byron, and were written at the request of the late Andrew
Ducrow, Esq., describing the scene immediately before the commencement
of the battle.
"There was a sound of revelry by night;
And Astley's manager had gathered then
His supers and his cavalry; and bright
The gas blazed o'er tall women and loud men.
The audience waited happily; and when
The orchestra broke forth with brazen swell,
Apples were sold for most extensive gain;
And ginger beer popped merrily as well!—
But hush! hark! what's that noise, just like our parlour-bell?