"Alas! these were but the virginal dreams of a girl, unsullied by contact with the world, and my ideal life was shattered by the vile cynicism of my father, who took a delight in destroying all my illusions, and in dragging me down from the light of fancy to the darkness of reality. "So evil had been his life, that no one would stay by him in his hour of need, and I, a young girl, unsophisticated and innocent, was forced to remain beside his bed. To him I dedicated my youth, my innocence, my womanly feeling, my filial tenderness, and received as a reward a brutal unveiling of the most horrible things on earth. When I went to his bedside at the beginning of those four bitter years I was an innocent girl, when I turned away, leaving him stiff and stark in his coffin, I was, in knowledge, an accomplished woman of the world. I believed in no one. I doubted the motives of all. I looked upon my fellow-creatures as birds of prey who would turn and rend me were I not dexterous enough to foil them with their own weapons. Is it then to be wondered at that I dreaded marriage with a man who would doubtless be as evil in his thoughts and deeds as was my father? "Had I been in receipt of a sufficient income to keep me from starving, had I been able to earn my own living, I would never have married; but under the grudging hospitality of my relatives, and the iron grip of poverty, the strongest resolution must give way. I was no heroine to battle with the merciless world as represented to me by my father, so, in despair, I married Guy Errington. "To my surprise and delight, I found him to resemble the ideal inhabitants of my fanciful world, and honoured and respected him for those qualities which I had never seen in my father. He was good, kind, loving and tender, all of which qualities to me, in a man, were like a revelation from God. Still, the teachings of my father could not be easily eradicated, and I dreaded lest some chance should rend the veil which hid his real nature and show me the innate brutality which my father assured me existed in all mankind. "Meanwhile, I was thankful for his kindness, and strove to show by every means in my power how I reciprocated his love. If he accuses me of coldness, I can offer no defence. I am not a demonstrative woman, as all my timid outbursts of affection were ruthlessly crushed by my father, and self-restraint has become a habit with me. Besides, dreading lest my married happiness should not last, I wore my coldness as an armour against a possible disappointment. "I loved my husband, but the invincible mistrust which my father had inculcated in my breast isolated me during the earlier portion of our married life, and I was afraid to let my husband see how much I loved him, lest he took advantage of such confidence. Still, I wanted something to love, something that I could worship, could cling to, something that I could trust in fully and that would not deceive me.