Honeycomb : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 3 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Honeycomb : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 3
John Stuart Mill · en
The walls swept up dimly striped with rose and green, the green misty
and changeful, glossy or dull as you moved. And on the widest spaced
wall dreadful presences ... two long narrow dark-framed pictures, safe
and far-off and dreamy in shop windows, but now, shut in here, suddenly
full of sad heavy dreadful meaning. A girl, listening to the words she
had waited for, not seeing the youth who is gazing at her, not even
thinking of him, but seeing suddenly everything opening far far away,
and leaving him, going on alone, to things he will never see, joining
the lonely women of the past, feeling her old self still there, wanting
everyone to know that she was still there, and cut off, for ever. There
was something ahead; but she could not take him with her. He would see
it now and again, in her face, but would never understand. And the other
picture; the girl grown into a woman; just married, her face veiled
forever, her eyes closed; sinking into the tide, his strong frame near
her the only reality; blindly trying to get back to him across the tide
of separation.
Their child will come--throwing even the support of him off and away,
making her monstrous ... and then born into life between them, forever,
“drawing them together,” showing they were separate; between them,
forever. There was no getting away from that.
The strange strong crude odours breathing quietly out from the open lid
of the new piano seemed to support them, to make them more mockingly
inexorable.
7
The smell of the piano would go on being there while inexorable things
happened.
Voices were sounding in the garden....
Hanging on either side of the mantelpiece were two more pictures--square
green garden scenes.... There was relief in the deeps of the gardens and
in under the huge spreading trees that nearly filled the sky. There were
tiresome people fussing in the foreground ... Marcus Stone
people--having scenes--not noticing the garden; getting in the way of
the garden. But the garden was there, blazing, filled with some
particular time of day, always being filled with different times of day.
There would be in-between times for Harriett--her own times. Times when
she would be at peace in this room near the garden. Away from the
kitchen and strange-eyed servants, and from the stern brown and yellow
pig-skin dining-room. In here she would have fragrant little teas; and
talk as if none of those other things existed. There were figures
standing at the French window.
8
She opened the window upon Harriett and Gerald. Standing a little aloof
from them was a man. As Harriett spoke to her Miriam met his strange
eyes wide and dark, unseeing; no, glaring at things that did not
interest him ... desperate, playing a part. His thin squarish frame hung
loosely, whipped and beaten, within his dark clothes.
His eyes passed expressionlessly from her face to Harriett.