The Senator's Bride — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Senator's Bride
John Stuart Mill · en
"By the way," he says, suddenly and mischievously ("by the way" being
a byword of the captain under discussion), "it strikes me as rather
droll that such a charming flirtation should have sprung up between you
and Captain Frank Fontenay--the man who tried to help kill me, and the
little fairy who helped cure me."
"Ah, yes, now I think of it," with an infinitesimal shudder, "he _was_
Senator Winans' second in that affair. Well," saucily this, "you could
not have been _seconded_ by a finer gentleman."
He rises and saunters over to her side, out of reach of Mrs. Conway's
ears, who is near the window (exactly what Lulu wishes him to do). Long
ago he has read, like an open page, the pure, adoring heart of this
girl--no vanity in him, for it is so palpable to all; to a certain
degree he loves her, admires her fresh, young beauty, her sunny ways;
means certainly some day to make her his wife; and something under her
surface gayety now that reveals a wistful, unsatisfied yearning touches
him to greater tenderness than he has ever felt for her before. As he
bends to speak she turns her head, with a deepening flush; the movement
wafts to him the subtle fragrance of a white rose worn in her brown
hair, and the words she longs to hear die unspoken on his lips. What is
there in the fragrance of a flower that can pierce one deeper than a
sword-thrust with the sweet-bitterness of memory? What kinship does it
bear to the roses that blossomed in other days, in other hands that we
have loved? Who can tell?
Impatiently he disengages it from its becoming brown setting and tosses
it far from him.
"Never wear white roses where I am, Lulu; I cannot bear their
perfume--it absolutely sickens me. I like you best in scarlet. It suits
your piquant beauty best."
"Did _she_ wear white roses?" she queries, with inexpressible
bitterness, and reaching conclusions with a woman's quick wit.
"_She_ wore white roses--yes," he answers, slowly, as if impelled by
some power stronger than his own volition; "and, Lulu, she sat one
evening with her lap full of white roses, and her hands glanced among
them as white as they--you have heard the whole story before--and the
only really cowardly act of my life, the only dastardly speech of my
life, was made then--oh, Heaven! I shall never forget the eyes she
lifted to my face; white roses always stir me with remorse--always
breathe the funereal air of dead hopes."
"It is a sin to love her so--now," she whispered, under her breath.
"I know, I know; but cannot you understand, Lu, that this is remorse
that has built its habitation over the grave of love? Another love is
rising in my heart above the wreck of my earlier one, but my regret for
what _I_ caused her to suffer then--for what I have unwittingly caused
her to bear since--is, and must ever be, unceasing."
"You need not grieve so deeply," she urges, trying to comfort him. "She
found consolation--she has 'learned to love another.'"