1066 and all that : $b A memorable history of England, comprising all the parts you can remember, including 103 good things, 5 bad kings and 2 genuine datesSellar, Walter Carruthers
History
1066 and all that : $b A memorable history of England, comprising all the parts you can remember, including 103 good things, 5 bad kings and 2 genuine dates
Sellar, Walter Carruthers
English wit and humor -- 20th century; Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Long before Henry III had died (of a surfeit of Barons, Bonifaces,
etc.) Edward I had taken advantage of the general confusion and of the
death of Simon de Montfort (probably of a surfeit of Vergers) to become
King before his reign had begun.
[Illustration: Sat on it himself]
Edward I was thus a strong King, and one of the first things he did was
to make a strong arrangement about the Law Courts. Hitherto there had
been a number of Benches there, on all of which a confused official
called the Justinian had tried to sit. Edward had them all amalgamated
into one large Bench called the King’s Bench, and sat on it himself.
Edward I, who had already (in his Saladin days) piously decimated
several thousand Turks at Nazareth, now felt so strong that he decided
to Hammer the Scots, who accordingly now come right into History.
[Illustration: Malleus Scotorum]
[Illustration]
The childless Scotch King Alexander the Great had trotted over a cliff
and was thus dead; so the Scots asked Edward to tell them who was King
of Scotland, and Edward said that a Balliol man ought to be. Delighted
with this decision the Scots crossed the Border and ravaged Cumberland
with savage ferocity; in reply to which Edward also crossed the Border
and, carrying off the Sacred Scone of Scotland on which the Scottish
Kings had been crowned for centuries, buried it with great solemnity in
Westminster Abbey.
This was, of course, a Good Thing for the Scots because it was the
cause of William the Wallace (not to be confused with Robert Bruce),
who immediately defeated the English at Cambuskenneth (Scotch for
Stirling) and invaded England with ferocious savagery. In answer to
this Edward captured the Bruce and had him horribly executed with
savage ferocity. Soon after, Edward died of suffocation at a place
called Burrow-in-the-Sands and was succeeded by his worthless son
Edward II.
CHAPTER XXIII
EDWARD II. A WORTHLESS KING
[Illustration]
Edward II had a wave of favourites or hangers-on at Court, of whom
the worst were the Suspenders and the Peers Gaveston. There were two
memorable Suspenders, the Old Suspender and the Young Suspender, and
they were Edward’s reply to the continual applications of the Barons
for a confirmation of all the charters and garters of the Realm. But
even Edward II’s worthless character cannot alone explain.
THE BATTLE OF BANNOCKBURN
The Scots were now under the leadership of the Bruce (not to be
confused with the Wallace), who, doubtful whether he had slain the Red
Comyn or not, armed himself with an enormous spider and marched against
the English, determined if possible to win back the Great Scone by
beating the English three times running.
[Illustration: THE BANNOCKBURN
(or Flodden)]
The fact that the English were defeated has so confused Historians that
many false theories are prevalent about the Bannockburn Campaign. What
actually happened is quite clear from the sketch map on opposite page.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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