"Quite unnecessary!" said Bindabun. "My mare is not such a weakling as you imagine, and will be as fit as a flea after she has imbibed one or two champagne bottles." And his prediction was literally fulfilled, for the champagne soon rendered _Milky Way_ playful as a kitten. Mr Bhosh ascended into his saddle; the other horses were drawn up in single rank; the starter brandished his flag--and the curtain rose on such a race as has, perhaps, never been equalled in the annals of the Derby. The rival cracks were named as follows:----_Topsy Turvey_, _Poojah_, _Brandy Pawnee_, _Tiffin Bell_, _Tripod_, _Cui Bono_, _British Jurisprudence_ and _Roseate Smell_. The betting was even on the field. _Poojah_ was a large tall horse with a nude tail, but excessively nimble; _Tripod_, on the contrary, was a small cob of sluggish habits and needing to be constantly pricked; _Tiffin Bell_ was a piebald of goodly proportions; and _Roseate Smell_ was of same sex as _Milky Way_, though more vixenish in character. Not long after the start Mr Bhosh was chagrined to discover that he was all behindhand, and he almost despaired of overtaking any of his fore-runners. Moreover, he was already oppressed by painful soreness, due to so constantly coming in contact with the saddle during his ride from London--but "in for a penny, in for a pound of flesh," and he plodded on, and soon had the good luck to recapture some of his lost ground. It was the old fabulous anecdote of the Hare and the Tortoise. First of all, _Topsy Turvey_ was tripped up by a rabbit's hole; then _Roseate Smell_ leaped the barrier and joined the spectators, while _Tripod_ sprained his offside ankle. Gradually Mr Bhosh passed _Brandy Pawnee_, _Cui Bono_, and _British Jurisprudence_, until, on arriving at Tottenham Court Corner, only _Tiffin Bell_ and _Poojah_ remained in the running. _Tiffin Bell_ became so discouraged by the near approach of _Milky Way_ that he dwindled his pace to a paltry trot, so Mr Bhosh was easily enabled to defeat him, after which by Cyclopean efforts he urged his mare until she and _Poojah_ were cheek by jowl. For some time it was the dingdong race between a hammer and tongs! Still, as the quadrupeds ploughed their way on, _Poojah_ churlishly refused to give _place aux dames_, and _Milky Way_ began to drop to the rear. Seeing that she was utterly incompetent to accelerate her speed and therefore in imminent danger of being defeated, Chunder Bindabun had the happy inspiration to make an appeal to the best feelings of the rival jockey, whose name was Juggins. "Juggins!" he wheezed in an agonised whisper, "I am a poor native Indian, totally unpractised in Derby riding. Show me some magnanimous action, and allow _Milky Way_ to take first prize, Juggins!" But Mr Juggins responded that he earnestly desired that _Poojah_ should obtain said prize, and applied a rather severe whipsmack to his willing horse.