What was he to say? The truth was very plain to him that it would never
pass, but go on growing worse and worse, as gradually she came to know
her own soul better and to understand herself, in the light of the new
relationship she had entered into. In the case of most women the
revelation she had so unconsciously made to him of the insufficiency of
her marriage would have been unwomanly, and perhaps it was even so in
her, but it was so only in the sense of being childlike. She was really
no more than a child, and more ignorant of the world than many a child
of ten. What did she know about marriage or the needs of her own soul?
Evidently nothing, and some day he saw before her a terrible awakening
from this trance of ignorance. His heart literally ached for her as he
sought diligently in his mind for some way to help her and could find
not one. The only thing was to let her talk freely, to encourage her by
a gentle friendly interest, such as a girl friend might have shown, and
to give her the relief of expression for these vague troubles and
perplexities which, when uttered, seemed intangible and entirely
inexplicable to her. Not once did she so much as imply any reproach to
her husband, and it was plain that she felt unconscious of any ground
for complaint. She alluded to him frequently and always most kindly, and
laid at her own door the entire fault of her discontent.
Noel spoke little, but led her gently on to talk as freely as she chose.
Often she would pause and remind herself that she was doing wrong to
take up his whole visit with talk about herself, but it was evident it
never once occurred to her that she had been guilty of any self-betrayal
which she should not have made. He saw her utter loyalty to her husband,
even in thought, and it made his blood boil to think of his stupid
insensibility to the possession he had in such a wife.
Gradually he was able to soothe her--or perhaps it was the relief of
utterance that made her presently seem more light-hearted. Noel
pronounced a great many platitudes in an insincere effort to persuade
her that things would get better, and somehow they seemed to give her
comfort for the moment. As if to put the subject by, she called the
big cat to her, snapping her fine slim fingers, and saying, "Come,
Grisette"; and the creature jumped into her lap with the obedience of a
well-trained dog. Then she enticed the kittens to follow, one by one,
until they were all in her lap playing with her ribbons, catching at her
little embroidered handkerchief with their soft paws, and rolling over
in high glee. She talked to them as if they had been children, petted
and chided them in the prettiest way, and then put them down, one by
one, with a kiss on each little soft head that made Noel half angry and
wholly pitying. It was so touching to see her tenderness, her longing
to expend the great store of love within her--and to see her, too, so
utterly without an object for it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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