"Thank God that it is so. And now, Christine, I call the God we both
adore and fear to witness that I will be true to your faith in me, to
the last recess of my mind, no less than to the last drop of my blood.
See, Christine, I swear it on my cross," and he drew it out, touching
the picture as he did so. "Give me your hand," he said, "and we will
hold this sacred cross between my hand and yours, and I will tell you
this thing, and you must try to feel that I am not only your knight but
also your dear brother, in whom all the confidence you have expressed
to me is strengthened by the added bond of relationship. Christine, my
sister, I want you to realize that there is an ordeal before you which
it will take all the strength that you can summon to bear with
fortitude. At first you will think it intolerable--impossible to be
borne, and I do not pretend to tell you that the blow will not be awful,
beyond words. I only want to say to you now, when you are calm enough
to listen, that it is not so hopeless and terrible as it will look at
first--that there is light beyond, though at first you may not be able
to see it. Try to keep that in your mind if you can."
She had given him her hand and they clasped the cross between them. All
the time that he was speaking she looked at him with a calm and
unbelieving wonder in her large eyes. As he paused she shook her head
with grave incredulousness and said quietly:
"You do not know me, Mr. Noel. I thought you understood a little, but
you are wrong if you think there is anything you could tell me for which
I should care so much. I do not suppose I could make you understand it,
but my heart is dead and buried in my baby's grave, and nothing could
make me feel as you expect me to feel. The two or three people that
I--know" (Noel knew by the pause she made that she had wanted to say
love, but couldn't, in honesty, use the word) "are all well. I have just
come from them--even Dr. Belford I have seen to-day--but if you were
going to tell me they were all dead I could not care a great deal--at
least not in the way you expect me to care--for what you have to tell
me. It may be wicked to have so hard a heart, but I cannot help it.
There is absolutely nothing in all the world that could make me feel in
the way you think I ought to feel at what you have to tell me."
"I did not say ought," said Noel, "there is no ought about it. It is a
thing inevitable. Oh, Christine, there is no way to lead up to it. I
must just tell you and beg you, for my sake at least, to try to bear
it."
"You had better tell me," she said. "You will see how I can bear it."
The calm security of her tones, the passionless wonder of her quiet
face were almost maddening. They made him fear the more the effect of
the shock when it should come.
"Christine," he said quietly, though his heart was leaping, "it is
something about your--about the man you married."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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