"Here continueth to rot, The Body of Francis Chartres. Who, with an indefatigable constancy, And inimitable Uniformity of life, Persisted, In spite of Age and Infirmities, In the practice of every Human Vice, Excepting Prodigality and Hypocrisy: His insatiable Avarice exempting him from the First, His matchless impudence from the Second. Nor was he more singular in the Undeviating Pravity Of his manners, than successful In accumulating Wealth: For, without Trade or Profession, Without trust of public money, And without bribe-worthy service, He acquired, or more properly created, A ministerial estate. He was the only person of this time Who could cheat without the Mask of Honesty, Retain his primæval meanness when possessed of Ten thousand a-year: And having duly deserved the Gibbet for what he did, Was at last condemned to it for what he could not do. Oh, indignant reader! Think not his life useless to mankind: Providence connived at his execrable designs, To give to After-age a conspicuous Proof and Example Of how small estimation is exorbitant Wealth In the sight of God, by His bestowing it on The most unworthy of Mortals." The history of the worthy person whose reputation is here embalmed is interesting. Beginning life as an ensign in the army, he was drummed out of his regiment, banished Brussels, and ignominiously expelled from Ghent, for cheating. As a miser he saved, and as a usurer he increased, the money which he won as a blackleg and card-sharper. Twice was he condemned to death for heinous offences, but contrived to purchase pardon; and, after all, he was fortunate enough to die in his own bed, in his native country, Scotland, A. D. 1731, aged sixty-two. At his funeral the indignant mob, feeling that justice had not been done to the dear departed, raised a riot, insulted the mourners, and, when the coffin was lowered into the grave, threw upon it a magnificent collection of dead dogs! In a similar and scarcely less magnificent vein of humour, Arbuthnot wrote another epitaph--on a greyhound:--