Dreiser, Theodore, 1871-1945; Journalists -- United States -- Biography; Novelists, American -- 20th century -- Biography
At the mere thought of meeting a girl I brightened, for my thoughts were
always on the other sex and I was forever complaining to myself of my
lack of opportunity, and of lack of courage when I had the opportunity,
to do the one thing I most craved to do: shine as a lover. Although at
her suggestion of a girl I pretended to sniff and be superior, still I
bustled to the task of embellishing myself. On coming into the general
livingroom, where a fire was burning brightly, I beheld a pretty
dark-haired girl of medium height, smooth-cheeked and graceful, who
seemed and really was guileless, good-natured and sympathetic. For a
while after meeting her I felt stiff and awkward, for the mere presence
of so pretty a girl was sufficient to make me nervous and
self-conscious. My brother, E——, had gone off early in the evening to
join the family of some girl in whom he was interested; another brother,
A——, was out on some Christmas Eve lark with a group of
fellow-employees; so here I was alone with C—— and this stranger, doing
my best to appear gallant and clever.
I recall now the sense of sympathy and interest which I felt for this
girl from the start. It must have been clear to my sister, for before
the night was over she had explained, by way of tantalizing me, that
Miss Kane had a beau. Later I learned that Alice was an orphan adopted
by a fairly comfortable Irish couple, who loved her dearly and gave her
as many pleasures and as much liberty as their circumstances would
permit. They had made the mistake, however, of telling her that she was
only an adopted child. This gave her a sense of forlornness and a
longing for a closer and more enduring love.
Such a mild and sweet little thing she was! I never knew a more
attractive or clinging temperament. She could play the banjo and guitar.
I remember marveling at the dexterity of her fingers as they raced up
and down the frets and across the strings. She was wearing a dark green
blouse and brown corduroy skirt, with a pale brown ribbon about her
neck; her hair was parted on one side, and this gave her a sort of
maidenish masculinity. I found her looking at me slyly now and then, and
smiling at one or another of my affected remarks as though she were
pleased. I recounted the nature of the work I was doing, but
deliberately attempted to confuse it in her mind and my sister’s with
the idea that I was regularly employed by the _Herald_ as a newspaper
man and that this was merely a side task. Subsequently, out of sheer
vanity and a desire to appear more than I was, I allowed her to believe
that I was a reporter on this paper.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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