When Farnsworth had left her in the afternoon, Delia crouched in
the bottom of the grave she was digging, her first feeling being an
unreasoning desire for concealment. She thought she should remain
passive if the sides of the pit collapsed and buried her. In the old
days before her boy was born she had been night after night out on the
old wharves, praying for courage to drown herself. After the child came,
her feelings changed, and she longed only to escape and to take her son
away from the scorn and the sordid life which surrounded them. Gradually
she had become hardened; hers was one of those common natures to which
custom and pain are opiates, mercifully dulling all sensibilities.
To-day the appearance of her betrayer had revivified all the old
impressions, and for a moment seemed to transport her to the early
days when her anguish was new. The keenest pangs of sorrow stabbed her
afresh, and she lived again the bitter moments of her sin and shame.
Her instinct was to flee from the man whose presence meant to her only
pain.
But habit is strong, and presently the fading light reminded the sexton
that her work was still unfinished, and that Widow Pettigrove, who was
past all earthly tribulation, must have her last bed prepared, whatever
the woe of the living woman who worked at it with trembling hands and
a sensation as if a demon had clutched her by the throat. Yet work was
not unmerciful; it brought some relief, since it served to dilute the
thought which rushed dizzyingly to her brain, and by the time her toil
was completed she was steadier. When she opened the door to Farnsworth
she was not unlike her usual stolid self. She perceived at a glance that
he had learned who she was, and she hoped in a blind, aching way, that
he had not betrayed his presence to the neighbors, thus to re-awaken all
the old stinging flight of bitter words.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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