Farnsworth followed Delia into the kitchen, without even those greetings
which habit renders so involuntary that only in the most poignant
moments are they disregarded. With their past between them it was not
easy to break the silence. Farnsworth seated himself, and the woman
stood regarding him. There was in her attitude all the questioning, all
the agony, of her years of suffering. Her wrongs and her sorrows gave
her a dignity before which he shrank as he could not have quailed under
the most withering reproaches. Whatever words he would have spoken--and
no man can come deliberately to so important a crisis without
formulating, even if unconsciously, the plea which his self-defence will
make--were forgotten, or seemed miserably inadequate now. What were
words to this woman, pallid and worn before her time with privation,
anguish, and unwomanly toil? The contrast between his rich and careful
dress and her coarse garb, between his white hands and her knotted
fingers, between his high-bred, pale face and her cowed, weather-beaten
countenance, was too violent not to be apparent to them both,--as if
they were in some strange way merely spectators looking dispassionately
at this wretched meeting of those who had once been passionate lovers.
With each moment the silence became more oppressive; yet as each moment
dragged by it became more difficult to break the stillness. Only a man
utterly devoid of remorse or feeling could have framed upon his tongue
commonplace phrases at such a time. It seemed to Farnsworth as if he
were brought to judgment before the whole universe. His throat became
parched. He longed to have the candle and the flames flickering in the
old fireplace go out in darkness, and take from his sight the Nemesis
that confronted him.
He broke the silence at last with a cry:--
"Ah, my God, Delia! What have I done?"
She wavered as she stood, putting out her hand as if reaching for
support. Then she half staggered backward into a chair.
"There is nothing I can say!" Farnsworth went on vehemently. "There is
nothing I can do! I came here dreaming of making reparation; but there
is no reparation I can make. There is nothing that can change the
past,--nothing that will undo what I have done to you. Oh, my God! How
little I dreamed it would be like this!"
"No," she said slowly, almost stupidly, "nothing can undo it."
"Why did you not tell me?" he began. "Why--"
But the words rebuked him before they were spoken. He buried his face in
his hands, and again they were silent. What the woman,--this woman who
had never been able to think much, even in her best days, and who now
was blunted and dulled almost to stupidity,--what she felt in those
bitter moments, who can tell? The man's soul was a tumult of wild regret
and unavailing remorse, while she waited again for him to speak.
"But," Farnsworth said at length, a new idea seizing him, "but the--our
child, Delia? The boy?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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