_K. John._ You're a friend indeed! But Hubert, Hubert, Hubert, throw your eye On that young lad, that now is standing by; I'll tell you what, my friend: that boy, I feel, Is, in my path, a piece of orange peel, And wheresoe'er I tread he'll throw me down, And if I fall, you know, I crack my crown. (_Taking out his snuff-box_.) You are his keeper--are you up to snuff? _Hub._ I am! I'll keep the urchin safe enough. _K. John._ Remove him---- _Hub._ He shall die! _K. John._ Egad, I feel So merry, Hubert, I could dance a reel. What shall I give thee? _Hub._ What you please. _K. John._ Then let it-- Stand over, gentle Hubert, till you get it. Here, again, is the perversion of the famous scene between Hubert and the boy:-- _Arth._ Hubert, good Hubert, how are you to-day? _Hub._ I must not listen to his childish chatter, For if I do he'll melt my heart like batter. (_Aside_) Look here, young Arthur (_gives warrant_): can you understand This paper, written in a large text hand? _Arth._ Oh, can I read it?--oh, unhappy youth! Must you with pinchers then take out my tooth? _Hub._ Young boy, I must. _Arth._ And will you? _Hub._ Yes, I will. _Arth._ Oh, it's too bad--when you were taken ill, Who was it to the chemist's ran full gallop, To get a penny dose of salts and jalap! And when I've seen you, after dining out, When you've made free at some hot drinking bout, Have I not always been extremely willing To give for soda-water my last shilling? And you'll take out my tooth? If you will, come-- I'll not resist,--here is my tooth, by gum! _Hub._ Young boy, I've sworn to do it--do not flinch: These instruments must help me at a pinch. Come forth! (_Stamps_.) _Enter_ Ruffian, _with a pewter basin_, _towel_, etc. (_To_ Ruffian). Do as I bid you. _Arth._ Hubert, stay: My tooth is out--do send that man away. (Ruffian _seizes_ Arthur.) _Hub._ Now for the pinchers--now for one bold tug. _Arth._ Why be so boisterous? I will hold my mug. For Heaven's sake, Hubert, send that man away, And not a word against it I will say. Hubert, thy word indeed shall be my law; My tooth is out: see, I will hold my jaw! _Hub._ (_to Ruffian_). Go, stand without; I by myself will do it. _Ruffian._ Indeed 'twould make me ill were I to view it. [_Exit_ Ruffian. Elsewhere King John sings, to the air of "The Light of other Days," this excellent parody:-- The robe of other days has faded, Its gloss has from it pass'd; For dust with little specks has shaded The stuff too fine to last. The robe of velvet made of cotton, For wear much better pays; But, alas! how shabby this I've got on, The robe of other days!