E-text prepared by Malcolm Farmer, L. N. Yaddanapudi, and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team (https://www.pgdp.net) Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this file which includes the original illustrations. See 22145-h.htm or 22145-h.zip: (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/2/1/4/22145/22145-h/22145-h.htm) or (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/2/1/4/22145/22145-h.zip) A BOOK OF BURLESQUES by H. L. MENCKEN [Illustration] Published at the Borzoi . New York . by Alfred . A . Knopf Copyright, 1916, 1920, by Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. Printed in the United States of America CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGE I. DEATH: A PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSION 11 II. FROM THE PROGRAMME OF A CONCERT 27 III. THE WEDDING: A STAGE DIRECTION 51 IV. THE VISIONARY 71 V. THE ARTIST: A DRAMA WITHOUT WORDS 83 VI. SEEING THE WORLD 105 VII. FROM THE MEMOIRS OF THE DEVIL 135 VIII. LITANIES FOR THE OVERLOOKED 149 IX. ASEPSIS: A DEDUCTION IN _SCHERZO_ FORM 159 X. TALES OF THE MORAL AND PATHOLOGICAL 183 XI. THE JAZZ WEBSTER 201 XII. THE OLD SUBJECT 213 XIII. PANORAMAS OF PEOPLE 223 XIV. HOMEOPATHICS 231 XV. VERS LIBRE 237 The present edition includes some epigrams from "A Little Book in C Major," now out of print. To make room for them several of the smaller sketches in the first edition have been omitted. Nearly the whole contents of the book appeared originally in _The Smart Set_. The references to a Europe not yet devastated by war and an America not yet polluted by Prohibition show that some of the pieces first saw print in far better days than these. H. L. M. February 1, 1920. _I.--DEATH_ _I.--Death. A Philosophical Discussion_ _The back parlor of any average American home. The blinds are drawn and a single gas-jet burns feebly. A dim suggestion of festivity: strange chairs, the table pushed back, a decanter and glasses. A heavy, suffocating, discordant scent of flowers--roses, carnations, lilies, gardenias. A general stuffiness and mugginess, as if it were raining outside, which it isn't._