But meanwhile, there is a growing activity below. First comes a closed
automobile bearing the six ushers and soon after it another automobile
bearing the bridegroom and his best man. The bridegroom and the best man
disembark before the side entrance of the church and make their way into
the vestry room, where they remove their hats and coats, and proceed to
struggle with their cravats and collars before a mirror which hangs on
the wall. The room is very dingy. A baize-covered table is in the center
of it, and around the table stand six or eight chairs of assorted
designs. One wall is completely covered by a bookcase, through the glass
doors of which one may discern piles of cheap Bibles, hymn-books and
back numbers of the parish magazine. In one corner is a small washstand.
The best man takes a flat flask of whiskey from his pocket, looks about
him for a glass, finds it on the washstand, rinses it at the tap, fills
it with a policeman's drink, and hands it to the bridegroom. The latter
downs it at a gulp. Then the best man pours out one for himself.
The ushers, reaching the vestibule of the church, have handed their silk
hats to the sexton, and entered the sacred edifice. There was a
rehearsal of the wedding last night, but after it was over the bride
ordered certain incomprehensible changes in the plan, and the ushers are
now completely at sea. All they know clearly is that the relatives of
the bride are to be seated on one side and the relatives of the
bridegroom on the other. But which side for one and which for the other?
They discuss it heatedly for three minutes and then find that they stand
three for putting the bride's relatives on the left side and three for
putting them on the right side. The debate, though instructive, is
interrupted by the sudden entrance of seven women in a group. They are
headed by a truculent old battleship, possibly an aunt or something of
the sort, who fixes the nearest usher with a knowing, suspicious glance,
and motions to him to show her the way.
He offers her his right arm and they start up the center aisle, with the
six other women following in irregular order, and the five other ushers
scattered among the women. The leading usher is tortured damnably by
doubts as to where the party should go. If they are aunts, to which
house do they belong, and on which side are the members of that house to
be seated? What if they are not aunts, but merely neighbors? Or perhaps
an association of former cooks, parlor maids, nurse girls? Or strangers?
The sufferings of the usher are relieved by the battleship, who halts
majestically about twenty feet from the altar, and motions her followers
into a pew to the left. They file in silently and she seats herself next
the aisle. All seven settle back and wriggle for room. It is a tight
fit.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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