Again, and by way of postscript No. 2, concentrate your mind upon sweetbreads. Sweetbreads are made in Chicago of the pancreases of horned cattle. From Portland to Portland they belong to the first class of refined delicatessen. And yet, on the human plane, the pancreas is in Class VI, along with the caecum and the paunch. And, contrariwise, there is tripe--"the stomach of the ox or of some other ruminant." The stomach of an American citizen belongs to Class II, and even the stomach of an Englishman is in Class IV, but tripe is far down in Class VIII. And chitterlings--the excised vermiform appendix of the cow. Of all the towns in Christendom, Richmond, Va., is the only one wherein a self-respecting white man would dare to be caught wolfing a chitterling in public. _XI.--THE JAZZ WEBSTER_ _XI. The Jazz Webster_ ACTOR. One handicapped more by a wooden leg than by a wooden head. ADULTERY. Democracy applied to love. ALIMONY. The ransom that the happy pay to the devil. ANTI-VIVISECTIONIST. One who gags at a guinea-pig and swallows a baby. ARCHBISHOP. A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. ARGUMENT. A means of persuasion. The agents of argumentation under a democracy, in the order of their potency, are (_a_) whiskey, (_b_) beer, (_c_) cigars, (_d_) tears. AXIOM. Something that everyone believes. When everyone begins to believe anything it ceases to be true. For example, the notion that the homeliest girl in the party is the safest. BALLOT BOX. The altar of democracy. The cult served upon it is the worship of jackals by jackasses. BREVITY. The quality that makes cigarettes, speeches, love affairs and ocean voyages bearable. CELEBRITY. One who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know. CHAUTAUQUA. A place in which persons who are not worth talking to listen to that which is not worth hearing. CHRISTIAN. One who believes that God notes the fall of a sparrow and is shocked half to death by the fall of a Sunday-school superintendent; one who is willing to serve three Gods, but draws the line at one wife. CHRISTIAN SCIENCE. The theory that, since the sky rockets following a wallop in the eye are optical delusions, the wallop itself is a delusion and the eye another. CHURCH. A place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there. CIVILIZATION. A concerted effort to remedy the blunders and check the practical joking of God. CLERGYMAN. A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven. CONSCIENCE. The inner voice which warns us that someone is looking. CONFIDENCE. The feeling that makes one believe a man, even when one knows that one would lie in his place. COURTROOM. A place where Jesus Christ and Judas Iscariot would be equals, with the betting odds in favor of Judas. CREATOR. A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh. Three proofs of His humor: democracy, hay fever, any fat woman.