It is not very delicate, to be sure, but I could not resist my violent
desire to search everywhere, in the hope, vague though it were, of
discovering some of Joseph's secrets. Nothing is mysterious in this
room, nothing is hidden. It is the naked chamber of a man who has no
secrets, whose life is pure, exempt from complications and events. The
keys are in the furniture and in the cupboards; not a drawer is locked.
On the table some packages of seeds and a book, "The Good Gardener."
On the mantel a prayer-book, whose pages are yellow, and a little
note-book, in which have been copied various receipts for preparing
encaustic, Bordelaise stew, and mixtures of nicotine and sulphate of
iron. Not a letter anywhere; not even an account-book. Nowhere the
slightest trace of any correspondence, either on business, politics,
family matters, or love. In the commode, beside worn-out shoes and
old hose-nozzles, piles of pamphlets, numerous numbers of the "Libre
Parole." Under the bed, mouse-traps and rat-traps. I have felt of
everything, turned everything upside down, emptied everything,--coats,
mattress, linen, and drawers. There is nothing else. In the cupboard
nothing has been changed. It is just as I left it a week ago, when I
put it in order in Joseph's presence. Is it possible that Joseph has
nothing? Is it possible that he is so lacking in those thousand little
intimate and familiar things whereby a man reveals his tastes, his
passions, his thoughts, a little of that which dominates his life?
Ah! yes, here! From the back of the table-drawer I take a cigar-box,
wrapped in paper and strongly tied with string running four times
round. With great difficulty I untie the knots, I open the box, and
on a bed of wadding I see five consecrated medals, a little silver
crucifix, and a rosary of red beads. Always religion!
My search concluded, I leave the room, filled with nervous irritation
at having found nothing of what I was searching for, and having learned
nothing of what I wanted to know. Decidedly, Joseph communicates his
impenetrability to everything that he touches. The articles that he
possesses are as silent as his lips, as unfathomable as his eyes and
brow. The rest of the day I have had before me, really before me,
Joseph's face, enigmatical, sneering, and crusty, by turns. And it has
seemed to me that I could hear him saying to me:
"And much farther you have got, my awkward little one, in consequence
of your curiosity. Ah! you can look again, you can search my linen, my
trunks, my soul; you will never find anything out."
I do not wish to think of all this any more; I do not wish to think of
Joseph any more. My head aches too hard, and I believe that I should go
mad. Let us return to my memories.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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