Dirkovitch was a Russian—a Russian of the Russians, as he said—who
appeared to get his bread by serving the czar as an officer in a
Cossack regiment, and corresponding for a Russian newspaper with a name
that was never twice the same. He was a handsome young Oriental, with a
taste for wandering through unexplored portions of the earth, and he
arrived in India from nowhere in particular. At least no living man
could ascertain whether it was by way of Balkh, Budukhshan, Chitral,
Beloochistan, Nepaul, or anywhere else. The Indian government, being in
an unusually affable mood, gave orders that he was to be civilly
treated, and shown everything that was to be seen; so he drifted,
talking bad English and worse French, from one city to another till he
forgathered with her Majesty's White Hussars[3] in the city of
Peshawur,[4] which stands at the mouth of that narrow sword-cut in the
hills that men call the Khyber Pass. He was undoubtedly an officer, and
he was decorated, after the manner of the Russians, with little
enameled crosses, and he could talk, and (though this has nothing to do
with his merits) he had been given up as a hopeless task or case by the
Black Tyrones[5], who, individually and collectively, with hot whisky
and honey, mulled brandy and mixed spirits of all kinds, had striven in
all hospitality to make him drunk. And when the Black Tyrones, who are
exclusively Irish, fail to disturb the peace of head of a foreigner,
that foreigner is certain to be a superior man. This was the argument
of the Black Tyrones, but they were ever an unruly and self-opinionated
regiment, and they allowed junior subalterns of four years' service to
choose their wines. The spirits were always purchased by the colonel
and a committee of majors. And a regiment that would so behave may be
respected but cannot be loved.
The White Hussars were as conscientious in choosing their wine as in
charging the enemy. There was a brandy that had been purchased by a
cultured colonel a few years after the battle of Waterloo. It has been
maturing ever since, and it was a marvelous brandy at the purchasing.
The memory of that liquor would cause men to weep as they lay dying in
the teak forests of upper Burmah[6] or the slime of the Irrawaddy[7].
And there was a port which was notable; and there was a champagne of an
obscure brand, which always came to mess without any labels, because
the White Hussars wished none to know where the source of supply might
be found. The officer on whose head the champagne choosing lay was
forbidden the use of tobacco for six weeks previous to sampling.
This particularity of detail is necessary to emphasize the fact that
that champagne, that port, and above all, that brandy—the green and
yellow and white liqueurs did not count—was placed at the absolute
disposition of Dirkovitch, and he enjoyed himself hugely—even more than
among the Black Tyrones.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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