English essays -- 20th century; English fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, English
He was quite a little man, with broad, high shoulders, and hardly any
neck; and what was noticeable in his square, wooden-looking figure,
dressed in light, shabby tweed, and patched, yellow boots, was that he
seemed to have no chest. He was flat--from his white face, with its
sandy hair, moustache, and eyebrows, under an old, narrow-brimmed straw
hat, right down to his feet. It was as though life had planed him. His
face, too, seemed to have lost all but its bones and skin of
yellow-white; there were no eyelashes to his reddish-brown round eyes;
there was no colour in his thin lips, compressed as though to keep the
secret of a mortal fear. Save for the wheeze and rustle of his
breathing, he stood very still, nervously rubbing his claw-like hands up
and down his trouser-legs. His voice was hoarse and faint.
“Yes, I was a baker,” he said. “They tell me as how that’s where I’ve
done myself the harm. But I never learnt another trade; I was afraid
that if I give it up I wouldn’t get no other work. Bakin’s not good
for----”
He laid his thin, yellow fingers where there was so little left to lay
them on.
“There’s my wife and child,” he went on in his matter-of-fact voice;
“I’m fair frightened. If I could give up thinking of what’s coming to
them, I believe that I’d feel better. But what am I to do? All my
savin’s have gone now; I’m selling off my things, an’ when I’m through
with that--there we shall be.”
His unlovely little face, with its hard-bitten lips and lashless eyes,
quivered all over suddenly, as though within him all his fear had risen
up, seized on his features, and set them to a dance of agony; but they
were soon still again. Stillness was the only possible condition for a
face covering such thoughts as he had had.
“I don’t sleep for thinkin’ of it--that’s against me!”
Yes--that was against him, considering the condition of his health. Any
doctor would have told him to sleep well; that sleep, in fact, was quite
essential. And I seemed to see him lying on his back, staring at the
darkness, with those lashless, red-rimmed eyes, trying to find in its
black depths something that was not there--the wan glow of a livelihood
of some kind for his wife and child.
“I gets in such a muck o’ sweat, worrying about what’s going to come to
them with me like this; it quite exhausts me, it does really. You
wouldn’t believe how weak I was!”
And one could not help reminding him that he ought not to worry--it was
very bad for him.
“Yes, I know that; I don’t think I can last long at this rate.”
“If you could give up worrying, you would get well much quicker!”
He answered by a look of such humble and unconscious irony as one may
see on the faces of the dead before their last wonder at the end has
faded from them.
“They tells me up at the hospital to eat well!”
And, looking at this meagre little man, it seemed that the advice was
sound. Good food, and plenty of it!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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