A Counterfeit Presentment; and, The Parlour CarHowells, William Dean
General
A Counterfeit Presentment; and, The Parlour Car
Howells, William Dean
American drama -- 19th century; Man-woman relationships -- Drama
_Constance._--"No, I don't believe he cares for it."
_Bartlett._--"I'm glad of that. I shall be spared the painful
hospitality of pointing out the best places for ducks." At an inquiring
look from Constance: "I'm glad for their sakes, not mine; _I_ don't want
to kill them."
_Constance_, with grave mistrust:--"Not like shooting?"
_Bartlett._--"No, I think it's the sneakingest sort of assassination;
it's the pleasure of murder without the guilt. If you must kill, you
ought to be man enough to kill something that you'll suffer remorse for.
Do you consider those atrocious sentiments, Miss Wyatt? I assure you
that they're entirely my own."
_Constance_, blankly.--"I wasn't thinking--I was thinking--I supposed
you liked shooting."
_Bartlett_, laughing uneasily.--"How did you get that impression?"
_Constance_, evasively.--"I thought all gentlemen did."
_Bartlett._--"They do in this region. It's the only thing that can
comfort them in affliction. The other day our ostler's brother lost his
sweetheart--she died, poor girl--and the ostler and another friend had
him over here to cheer him up. They took him to the stable, and whittled
round among the stalls with him half the forenoon, and let him rub down
some of the horses; they stood him out among the vegetables and let him
gather some of the new kind of potato-bugs; they made him sit in the
office with his feet on top of the stove; they played billiards with
him; but he showed no signs of resignation till they borrowed three
squirrel-guns and started with him to the oak woods yonder. That seemed
to 'fetch' him. You should have seen them trudging off together with
their guns all aslant,--this way,--the stricken lover in the middle!"
Bartlett rises to illustrate, and then at the deepening solemnity of
Constance's face he desists in sudden dismay: "Miss Wyatt, I've shocked
you!"
_Constance._--"Oh, no--no!"
_Bartlett._--"It _was_ shocking. I wonder how I could do it! I--I
thought it would amuse you."
_Constance_, mournfully.--"It did, thank you, very much." After a pause:
"I didn't know you liked--joking."
_Bartlett._--"Ah! I don't believe I do--all kinds. Good Lord--I beg your
pardon." Bartlett turns away with an air of guilty consciousness, and
goes to the window and looks out, Constance's gaze following him: "It's
a wonderful day!" He comes back toward her: "What a pity you couldn't be
carried there in your chair!"
_Constance._--"I'm not equal to that yet." Presently: "Then
you--like--nature?"
_Bartlett._--"Why, that's mere shop in a landscape painter. I get my
bread and butter by her. At least I ought to have some feeling of
gratitude."
_Constance_, hastily.--"Of course, of course. It's very stupid of me,
asking."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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