"'I too have a greeting for you,' she said; 'at any rate, the last
hand-clasp, after we had embraced three times, was certainly intended
for you. But the letter from Paris will be omitted. We made no
arrangements for a correspondence. Yes,' she continued, as I looked
wonderingly at her, 'I do not have fine ears in vain. I heard very
plainly how my lord and master paid his morning call below, and knew
from the unusual stir and movement that her departure was decided upon.
I wished to accompany her a little distance. Why should we part so
silently and secretly? Did we think unkindly of each other? I, at
least, was not vexed because she found you lovable; she shared that
weakness with me. And how could she help it that I had met you first?
For a moment I even thought of begging her to remain. But that would
have been a foolish challenge to fate. But I sat by her side as far as
Vevey, and we explained ourselves as well as we could without calling
things by name. Are you satisfied with me?'
"She held out her hand. I took it somewhat hesitatingly. 'If you were
only satisfied with me!' I exclaimed. 'I found her miserably unhappy,
as if she had done something for which she could never forgive herself.
It seemed unknightly to let her believe that I was cold to her feeling.
So I expressed myself, and truly, called things by their right names.
Indeed, at the last, I kissed her on both eyes, and she suffered it.
This is all I have on my conscience.'
"'It is little--and yet, quite enough,' she replied softly; 'let us
speak of it no more.'
"And so it was. Indeed, I not only ceased to speak of her, but in an
unexpectedly short time forgot to think of her. Many things aided me in
this. I was hastily called home by a letter from my inspector, for my
presence on the estate had become imperative. Then came an early winter
which brought me many cares, since I was occupied with the purchase of
a small neighboring estate. In these cares of house and field, my wife,
with her prudent forethought and encouraging cheerfulness, was of the
greatest assistance, and no one, seeing us together, would have
suspected any change in our admirably sympathetic life. And yet there
was a change.
"A sword lay between us, invisible, but not unfelt.
"At first I bore it calmly, when she quietly but firmly resisted any
show of tenderness on my part. In other ways she was not cold or
distant towards me; in fact, her loving care increased, and she
constantly endeavored to fulfill even my unexpressed wishes. But a
certain shy reserve never left her. When I finally asked if my presence
was distasteful to her, or if she wished to punish me by denying these
innocent caresses, she shook her head earnestly and blushed like a
girl.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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