I begin to wonder whether I am falling in love. Ever since Margaret
blushed when she passed me on the brae I have been extremely conscious
of her existence. I find that I am beginning to look for her, and I go
to the dairy on the flimsiest of pretences. I was there three times this
afternoon.
"What do you want this time?" she asked with a laugh at my third
appearance.
"I hardly know," I said slowly, "but I think I wanted to see your bare
arms again."
She hastily drew down her sleeves and reddened; then to cover her
confusion she made a show of putting me out forcibly. How I managed to
refrain from kissing her tempting lips I don't know. I nearly fell ...
but it suddenly came to me that a kiss might mean so very much to her
and so little to me and ... I resisted the temptation.
She is fast losing her shyness, and she talks to me with growing
frankness. She has begun to read much lately, and she devours penny
novelettes with avidity. She has a romantic mind, and my realism
sometimes shocks her. I happened to meet her in town last Saturday, and
I took her to the pictures. She was intensely moved by a romantic film
story, and when I explained that the stuff was rank sentimentalism and
rhetoric she seemed to be offended.
"You criticise everything," she cried angrily, "don't you believe that
there is any good in the world?"
"You will never be happy," she added seriously, "you criticise too
much."
"Surely," I cried, "you don't imagine that I criticise you!"
"I do," she said bitterly. "You criticise yourself and me and
everybody. I am always in terror that I make a slip in grammar before
you."
"Margaret!" I cried with real sorrow, "I hate to think that I have given
you that impression."
I was silent for a long time.
"Kid," I said, "you are quite right. I do criticise everything and
everybody, but a better word is analyse; I analyse myself and then I try
to analyse you."
"As a boy," I added, "my chief pastime was buying sixpenny watches and
tearing their insides out to see how they worked ... but I never saw how
they worked."
"Yes," she said, "and that's what you would do if you had a wife; you
would tear her to bits just to see how she worked ... and you would
never find out how she worked either."
"Perhaps I might," I said with a smile. "When I dissected watches I was
inexperienced; nowadays I could take a watch to pieces and find out how
it worked. Perhaps I might manage to put my wife together again,
Margaret."
"There would be one or two wheels left over," she laughed.
"I should like her better without them," said I.
"Oh!" she cried impatiently, "why can't you be like other men? What's
the use of looking into the inside of everything? Look at father; he
never bothered about what mother was; he just thought her perfect and
look how happy he is!"
"Ah!" I said teasingly, "I understand! You don't want a man to analyse
you in case he discovers that you aren't perfect!"
She looked at me frankly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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