That was a question which might be quickly resolved--she would
resolve it quickly. She started off homewards then and there,
telling herself as she went that, whatever had happened, or
might happen, they should only be rid of her on terms of her
own.
It turned out that, so far, nothing had happened; to that
extent, at least, her agitation had been uncalled for. No one
had been near the house since she had left it; nothing had
happened which was in any way out of the common. The relief she
felt at learning even so much showed how real she had imagined
the danger was. With some vague idea of subjecting him to
cross-examination and learning if he had suspicions of her of
any sort or kind, so soon as she had removed her hat she paid a
visit to Cuthbert Grahame's room.
As usual, he lay immobile between the sheets, preserving that
death-in-life rigidity which, it seemed, was to continue his
condition to the end. The sight of him struck in her an unwonted
note.
"Don't you get tired of lying there?--especially on a day like
this, when the sun is shining and the breeze is stealing among
the trees and flowers?"
She did not strike a responsive note in him. He was silent for
some seconds, then he asked, in his strange, far-away voice,
which was like a husky whisper--
"Aren't you well?"
"Oh yes, I'm well enough. I'm only wondering if you're not tired
of being ill. It seems to me that you might as well be dead as
keep on lying there with only your voice alive--and that's
pretty nearly done for."
She had returned to her more familiar mood.
"Tired!--tired!" He repeated the word twice, then after an
interval went on: "What's the use of being tired of what has to
be? I'm tired of you, but it seems you have to be--so what's the
use?"
"I don't see why you need be tired of me. I'm no more to you
than a chair or table."
"You're my wife."
"Your wife! It's because I'm your wife that I'm likely to get
tired instead of you. I'm not a helpless statue--I'm a woman; I
don't want a dead log--I want a man."
"I was once a man."
"You a man!"
"Seems queer, doesn't it?"
"I don't believe it."
"Yet I was, physically, not a bad sample of a man. Now the Lord
knows what I am!--a husk, I suppose. There's a man inside me
somewhere still."
"You look as if there were, and you sound it."
She laughed, not pleasantly. It was one of her defects that her
laughter seldom had a pleasant sound, as if it were only the
spirit of malice which had power to move her to mirth.
"You've confessed why you married me. Do you know why I wanted
to marry you, or any one? I'd have married your friend Nannie if
she'd agreed, but she refused point-blank."
"Is that true?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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