‘Don’t look so sweetly penitent, you blessing. The fact is that you make a shocking bad conspirator. Now I have a kind of talent for that, as I have for every other sort of depravity, so it will be pretty safe in my hands. You are as straight as a line by nature, and you can’t be crooked when you try.’ ‘But what did I say? Oh, I _am_ so sorry! I tried to be so careful.’ ‘Well, about the curry, you know. It was an error of judgment to ask if I took chutnee. And then . . . ’ ‘Something else?’ ‘About the boots. Did I get them in London or Woking.’ ‘Oh dear, dear!’ ‘And then . . . ’ ‘Not another! O Frank!’ ‘Well, the use of the word “my.” You must give that word up. It should be “our.”’ ‘I know, I know. It was when I said that the salt water had taken the curl out of the feather in my—no, in our—well, in _the_ hat.’ ‘That was all right. But it is _our_ luggage, you know, and _our_ room, and so on.’ ‘Of course it is. How foolish I am! Then the waiter knows! O Frank, what shall we do?’ ‘Not he. He knows nothing. I am sure of it. He is a dull sort of person. I had my eye on him all the time. Besides, I threw in a few remarks just to set the thing right.’ ‘That was when you spoke about our travels in the Tyrol?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘O Frank, how _could_ you? And you said how lonely it was when we were the only visitors at the Swiss hotel.’ ‘That was an inspiration. That finished him.’ ‘And about the closeness of the Atlantic staterooms. I blushed to hear you.’ ‘But he listened eagerly to it all. I could see it.’ ‘I wonder if he really believed it. I have noticed that the maids and the waiters seem to look at us with a certain interest.’ ‘My dear girlie, you will find as you go through life that every man will always look at you with a certain interest.’ Maude smiled, but was unconvinced. ‘Cheese, dear?’ ‘A little butter, please.’ ‘Some butter, waiter, and the Stilton. You know the real fact is, that we make the mistake of being much too nice to each other in public. Veterans don’t do that. They take the small courtesies for granted—which is all wrong, but it shows that they _are_ veterans. That is where we give ourselves away.’ ‘That never occurred to me.’ ‘If you want to settle that waiter for ever, and remove the last lingering doubt from his mind, the thing is for you to be rude to me.’ ‘Or you to me, Frank.’ ‘Sure you won’t mind?’ ‘Not a bit.’ ‘Oh, hang it, I can’t—not even for so good an object.’ ‘Well, then, I can’t either.’ ‘But this is absurd. It is only acting.’ ‘Quite so. It is only fun.’ ‘Then why won’t you do it?’ ‘Why won’t you?’ ‘He’ll be back before we settle it. Look here! I’ve a shilling under my hand. Heads or tails, and the loser has to be rude. Do you agree?’ ‘Very well.’ ‘Your call.’ ‘Heads.’ ‘It’s tails.’ ‘Oh goodness!’ ‘You’ve got to be rude. Now mind you are. Here he comes.’