‘Neither do I. But I could look it up and learn. Here it is—paragraph 2847. It is a sort of pancake, you see. That’s how you learn things.’ Frank Crosse took the book and dropped it. It fell with a sulky thud upon the floor. ‘Nothing that it can teach you, dear, can ever make up to me if it makes you cry, and bothers you.—You bloated, pedantic thing!’ he cried, in sudden fury, aiming a kick at the squat volume. ‘It is to you I owe all those sad, tired looks which I have seen upon my wife’s face. I know my enemy now. You pompous, fussy old humbug, I’ll kick the red cover off you!’ But Maude snatched it up, and gathered it to her bosom. ‘No, no, Frank, I don’t know what I should do without it. You have no idea what a wise old book it is. Now, sit there on the footstool at my feet, and I will read to you.’ ‘Do, dear; it’s delightful.’ ‘Sit quiet, then, and be good. Now listen to this pearl of wisdom: “As with the commander of an army, so it is with the mistress of a house. Her spirit will be seen through the whole establishment, and, just in proportion as she performs her duties thoroughly, so will her domestics follow in her path.”’ ‘From which it follows,’ said her husband, ‘that Jemima must be a perfect paragon.’ ‘On the contrary, it explains all Jemima’s shortcomings. Listen to this: “Early rising is one of the most essential qualities. When a mistress is an early riser, it is almost certain that her house will be orderly and well managed.”’ ‘Well, you are down at nine—what more do you want?’ ‘At nine! I am sure that Mrs. Beeton was always up at six.’ ‘I have my doubts about Mrs. B. Methinks the lady doth protest too much. I should not be very much surprised to learn that she had breakfast in bed every morning.’ ‘O Frank! You have no reverence for anything.’ ‘Let us have some more wisdom.’ ‘“Frugality and Economy are home virtues without which no household can prosper. Dr. Johnson says, ‘Frugality may be termed—’” ‘Oh, bother Dr. Johnson! Who cares for a man’s opinion. Now, if it had been Mrs. Johnson—!’ ‘Johnson kept house for himself for years—and a queer job he made of it.’ ‘So I should think.’ Maude tossed her pretty curls. ‘Mrs. Beeton is all right, but I will not be lectured by Dr. Johnson. Where was I? Oh yes—“‘We must always remember that to manage a little well, is a great merit in housekeeping.”’ ‘Hurrah! Down with the second vegetable! No pudding on fish days. _Vive la bière de Pilsen_!’ ‘What a noisy boy you are!’ ‘This book excites me. Anything more?’ “Friendships should not be hastily formed, nor the heart given at once to every newcomer—”’ ‘Well, I should hope not! Don’t let me catch you at it! You don’t mind my cigarette? Has Mrs. Beeton a paragraph about smoking in bedrooms?’