Apollo looked up, hearing footsteps approaching, And slipped out of sight the new rhymes he was broaching,-- “Good day, Mr. D----, I’m happy to meet, With a scholar so ripe, and a critic so neat, Who through Grub Street the soul of a gentleman carries; What news from that suburb of London and Paris Which latterly makes such shrill claims to monopolize The credit of being the New World’s metropolis?” “Why, nothing of consequence, save this attack On my friend there, behind, by some pitiful hack, Who thinks every national author a poor one That isn’t a copy of something that’s foreign, And assaults the American Dick ----” “Nay, ’tis clear That your Damon there’s fond of a flea in his ear, And, if no one else furnished them gratis, on tick He would buy some himself, just to hear the old click; Why, I honestly think, if some fool in Japan Should turn up his nose at the ‘Poems on Man’ (Which contain many verses as fine, by the bye, As any that lately came under my eye), Your friend there by some inward instinct would know it, Would get it translated, reprinted, and show it; As a man might take off a high stock to exhibit The autograph round his own neck of the gibbet; Nor would let it rest so, but fire column after column, Signed Cato, or Brutus, or something as solemn, By way of displaying his critical crosses, And tweaking that poor transatlantic proboscis, His broadsides resulting (this last there’s no doubt of) In successively sinking the craft they’re fired out of. Now nobody knows when an author is hit, If he have not a public hysterical fit; Let him only keep close in his snug garret’s dim ether, And nobody’d think of his foes--or of him either; If an author have any least fibre of worth in him, Abuse would but tickle the organ of mirth in him; All the critics on earth cannot crush with their ban One word that’s in tune with the nature of man.” “Well, perhaps so; meanwhile I have brought you a book, Into which if you’ll just have the goodness to look, You may feel so delighted (when once you are through it) As to deem it not unworth your while to review it, And I think I can promise your thoughts, if you do, A place in the next Democratic Review.”