American fiction -- 19th century; Artists -- Fiction
"Well," said Ida, desperately, "I promised to tell you everything,
and I will. If there is any chance for me I'll then know it, for
you will not deceive me. Somehow, what I am and what I have to say
seemed in such sad contrast with you and your garden that I became
afraid. You asked about my parents. My father is a very unhappy
man. He seems to have lost hope and courage. I now begin to see
that I have been chiefly to blame for this. I do nothing for his
comfort. Indeed, I have been so occupied with myself and my own
pleasure that I have given him little thought. He does not spend
much of his time at home, and when I saw him he was always tired,
sad, and moody. He seemed to possess nothing that could minister
to my pride and pleasure save money, and I took that freely, with
scarcely even thanks in return.
"I don't like to speak against my mother, but truth compels me to
add that she acts much in the same way. I don't think she loves
papa. Perhaps our treatment is the chief reason why life, seemingly,
has become to him a burden. When he's not busy in he office he
drinks, and drinks, and I fear it is only to forget his trouble.
Once or twice this summer he has looked like a man, and appeared
capable of throwing off this destroying habit, and then by my
wretched folly I made him do worse than ever," and she burst into
a remorseful passion of tears.
"That's right, my child," said Mr. Eltinge, taking off his
spectacles that he might wipe his sympathetic eyes; "you were very
much to blame. Thank god, there are no Pharisees in this garden.
God bless you; go on."
"This that I've told you about my father ought to be my chief
trouble, but it isn't," faltered Ida. "I fear you won't understand
me very well now, and you certainly will never be able to understand
how I could be tempted to do something at the very thought of which
I now shudder."
"No matter; my Master can understand it all if I can't. He's
listening, too, remember."
"It frightens me to think so," said Ida, in an awed, trembling
tone.
"That's because you don't know him. If you were severely wounded,
would you be frightened to know that a good physician was right at
hand to heal you?"
"But isn't God too infinite and far away to listen to listen to
the story of my weakness and folly? I dare not think of him. My
difficulty is just this--he IS God, and what am I?"
"One of his little children, my dear. Yes, he is infinite, but
not far away. In the worst of my weakness and folly he listened
patiently, and helped me out of my trouble. How are you going to
get over this fact? He has listened to and helped multitudes of
others in every kind of trouble and wrong. How are you going to
get over these facts?"
Ida slowly wiped her eyes. Her face grew very pale, and she looked
at Mr. Eltinge steadily and earnestly, as if to gather from his
expression and manner, as well as words, the precise effect of her
confession.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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