American fiction -- 19th century; Artists -- Fiction
"Mr. Eltinge," said Ida, slowly, as if she were trying to be sure
that each word expressed her thought, "it was that word, FRIEND,
as you used it last night, that caught my ear and revived my hopes.
I now believe that if you had spoken only of duty or truth, or even
of God in the ordinary way, I should now be"--she buried her face
in her hands and shuddered--"I should not be in this sunny garden
with the memory that your hands have rested on my hands in blessing.
If I am to live, I shall need, above all things, a friend, and
a very patient and helpful one, or else my burden will be heavier
than I can carry. I have told you about my parents, and you thus
know what I must look forward to in my own home. But such is my
weakness and folly, I have a far worse trouble than that. You may
smile at it and think that time will bring speedy relief. Perhaps
it will--I hope so. I feel that I know so little about myself and
everything else that I can never be sure of anything again. Mr.
Eltinge, I have been so unfortunate as to give my whole heart's love
to a man who despises me. At first he seemed somewhat attracted,
but he soon discovered how imperfect and ignorant I was, and coldly
withdrew. He is now paying his addresses, I believe, to another
lady, and I must admit that she is a lovely girl, and every way
worthy of him. I think she will return his regard, if she does not
already. But whether she does or not cannot matter, for he is so
far my superior in every respect that he would never think of me
again. In order to hide my foolish, hopeless passion, I received
attentions from another man that I detested, and who has since proved
himself an utter villain, but it so happened that my name became
so closely associated with this low fellow, that when my heart was
breaking for another reason, all thought that it was because I was
infatuated with a man I loathed. Even Mr. Van Berg thought so,
and I intended to compel him to respect me, or at least to think
better of me, even if I had to die to carry out my purpose. I was
desperate and blind with disappointment and despair. To a strong
man, I suppose, these things do not count so greatly, but I'm inclined
to think what with us poor women our heart-life is everything. I
fairly shiver at the thought of the future. How can I carry this
heavy burden, year after year? Oh, how can I bear it? How can I
bear it?" and her eyes became full of desperate trouble again, at
the prospect before her.
"Well, my dear," said Mr. Eltinge in broken tones, "my heart goes
out to you in sympathy as if you were my own daughter, but old
James Eltinge can do but little towards curing your deep troubles."
"I do not hope to be cured," said Ida, despondently, "but I would
be very glad if I could think my life would not be a burden to
myself and others."
Mr. Eltinge pondered a few moments, and then brightened up, as if
a pleasant thought had struck him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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