"Another calamity. Brandy does me a lot of good. It breaks up my phlegm. When we were marching to Sebastopol, we had hardly reached Serpukhov, when each man had already been given three gallons of brandy." "You must have lost your senses." "I don't remember. We marched as far as Kharkov, but I'll be hanged if I remember anything else. The only thing I can recall is that we passed through villages and towns and that at Tula an _otkupshchik_ made a speech. He shed tears, the scoundrel did. Yes, our holy mother Russia drank from the cup of sorrow in those days. _Otkupshchiki,_ contractors, receivers--it's a wonder God succeeded in saving the country from them." "Oh, your mother came in for some of the profits. In our village hardly half of the soldiers returned home. A recruit's receipt is now given for each man lost in the campaign, and the government rates such a quittance at more than four hundred rubles." "Yes, my mater is a cunning blade. She ought to be a minister of state instead of housekeeper at Golovliovo. Let me tell you, she has been unjust to me and she has insulted me, but I respect her. The main thing is, she's clever as the devil. If not for her, where would we have been now? We would have had nothing but Golovliovo with its one hundred and one and a half souls. Just think what an enormous pile she has made." "Well, your brothers will certainly be rich." "Yes. But I'll have nothing, that's just as certain. Yes, friend, I've gone to rack and ruin. But my brothers, they'll be rich, especially the Bloodsucker. He can ensnare a person in no time, and it won't be long before he'll undo her, too. He'll pump the estate and the money out of her. I have an eye for these things. But Pavel, he's a fine chap. He will send my tobacco on the sly. You'll see if he doesn't. As soon as I reach Golovliovo, I'll send a note off to him: 'Dear brother, it's so and so with me. Ease my soul.' Ah, if I were rich!" "What would you do?" "In the first place, I'd make you roll in wealth." "Why me? First think of yourself. I'm contented, living as I do under your mother's rule." "Oh, no, brother, _attendez!_ I would make you the chief marshal of all my estates. Yes, my dear friend, you have fed and warmed a soldier, accept my thanks. If not for your generosity, I should now be footing it all the way to the home of my fathers. And, of course, I would free you on the spot and open up all my treasury to you--drink, eat and be merry. What did you think I would do?" "You'd better stop worrying about me, sir. What else would you do if you were rich?" "In the second place, I'd get a mistress at once. At Kursk I went to mass once and saw one--a queen! She was very fidgety and restless." "But maybe she would object to becoming your mistress."