Ethics -- Fiction; Religion and sociology -- Fiction; Upper class families -- Fiction
There came moments when I grew slightly alarmed, as, for instance, one
Sunday in the early spring when I was dining at the Ezra Hutchins's
house and surprised Mrs. Hutchins's glance on me, suspecting her of
seeking to divine what manner of man I was. I became self-conscious; I
dared not look at Maude, who sat across the table; thereafter I began to
feel that the Hutchins connection regarded me as a suitor. I had
grown intimate with George and his wife, who did not refrain from sly
allusions; and George himself once remarked, with characteristic tact,
that I was most conscientious in my attention to the traction affair; I
have reason to believe they were even less delicate with Maude. This was
the logical time to withdraw--but I dallied. The experience was becoming
more engrossing,--if I may so describe it,--and spring was approaching.
The stars in their courses were conspiring. I was by no means as yet
a self-acknowledged wooer, and we discussed love in its lighter phases
through the medium of literature. Heaven forgive me for calling it so!
About that period, it will be remembered, a mushroom growth of volumes
of a certain kind sprang into existence; little books with “artistic”
bindings and wide margins, sweetened essays, some of them written in
beautiful English by dilettante authors for drawing-room consumption;
and collections of short stories, no doubt chiefly bought by
philanderers like myself, who were thus enabled to skate on thin ice
over deep water. It was a most delightful relationship that these helped
to support, and I fondly believed I could reach shore again whenever I
chose.
There came a Sunday in early May, one of those days when the feminine
assumes a large importance. I had been to the Hutchinses' church; and
Maude, as she sat and prayed decorously in the pew beside me, suddenly
increased in attractiveness and desirability. Her voice was very sweet,
and I felt a delicious and languorous thrill which I identified not only
with love, but also with a reviving spirituality. How often the two seem
to go hand in hand!
She wore a dress of a filmy material, mauve, with a design in gold
thread running through it. Of late, it seemed, she had had more new
dresses: and their modes seemed more cosmopolitan; at least to the
masculine eye. How delicately her hair grew, in little, shining wisps,
around her white neck! I could have reached out my hand and touched
her. And it was this desire,--although by no means overwhelming,--that
startled me. Did I really want her? The consideration of this vital
question occupied the whole time of the sermon; made me distrait at
dinner,--a large family gathering. Later I found myself alone with heron
a bench in the Hutchinses' garden where we had walked the day of my
arrival, during the campaign.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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