Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. A FOOL AND HIS MONEY BY GEORGE BARR McCUTCHEON CONTENTS CHAPTER I. I MAKE NO EFFORT TO DEFEND MYSELF II. I DEFEND MY PROPERTY III. I CONVERSE WITH A MYSTERY IV. I BECOME AN ANCESTOR V. I MEET THE FOE AND FALL VI. I DISCUSS MATRIMONY VII. I RECEIVE VISITORS VIII. I RESORT TO DIPLOMACY IX. I AM INVITED OUT TO DINNER X. I AGREE TO MEET THE ENEMY XI. I AM INVITED TO LEND MONEY XII. I AM INFORMED THAT I AM IN LOVE XIII. I VISIT AND AM VISITED XIV. I AM FORCED INTO BEING A HERO XV. I TRAVERSE THE NIGHT XVI. I INDULGE IN PLAIN LANGUAGE XVII. I SEE TO THE BOTTOM OF THINGS XVIII. I SPEED THE PARTING GUEST XIX. I BURN A FEW BRIDGES XX. I CHANGE GARDEN SPOTS XXI. SHE PROPOSES ILLUSTRATIONS In the aperture stood my amazing neighbour ... Frontispiece I found myself staring as if stupefied at the white figure of a woman who stood in the topmost balcony. I sat bolt upright and yelled: "Get out!" We faced each other across the bowl of roses Up to that moment I had wondered whether I could do it with my left hand CHAPTER I I MAKE NO EFFORT TO DEFEND MYSELF I am quite sure it was my Uncle Rilas who said that I was a fool. If memory serves me well he relieved himself of that conviction in the presence of my mother--whose brother he was--at a time when I was least competent to acknowledge _his_ wisdom and most arrogant in asserting my own. I was a freshman in college: a fact--or condition, perhaps,--which should serve as an excuse for both of us. I possessed another uncle, incidentally, and while I am now convinced that he must have felt as Uncle Rilas did about it, he was one of those who suffer in silence. The nearest he ever got to openly resenting me as a freshman was when he admitted, as if it were a crime, that he too had been in college and knew less when he came out than when he entered. Which was a mild way of putting it, I am sure, considering the fact that he remained there for twenty-three years as a distinguished member of the faculty.