I was transfixed with horror; I knew not what to say, what to do. I put
my hand soothingly on her poor fevered brow, and held a little water to
her lips. Then my eyes sought Kosinski. He was standing in the shadow,
a look of intense pain in his eyes and on his brow, and I knew what he
must be suffering at that moment. I walked up to him and grasped his
hand in silent sympathy; he returned the pressure, and for a moment I
felt almost happy in sharing his sorrow. We stood watching in silence;
at regular intervals the church chimes told us that the hours were
passing and the long night gradually drawing to its close. Half-past
three, a quarter to four, four; still the heavy rattling breath told us
that the struggle between life and death had not yet ceased. At last the
dying woman heaved a deep sigh, she opened her wide, staring eyes and
raised her hand as if to summon some one. Kosinski stepped forward, but
she waved him off and looked at me. "I have not a friend in the world,"
she gasped; "you shall be my friend. Hold my hand and pray for me." I
knelt by her side and did as I was bid. Never had I prayed since I
could remember, but at that supreme moment a Latin prayer learned in my
infancy at my mother's knee came back to me; Kosinski turned his face to
the wall and stood with bowed shoulders. As the words fell from my lips
the dying woman clutched my hand convulsively and murmured some words in
Russian. Then her grasp loosened. I raised my eyes to her face, and
saw that all was over. My strained nerves gave way, and I sobbed
convulsively. Kosinski was at my side.
"Poor thing, poor thing!" I heard him murmur. He laid his hand
caressingly on my shoulder. The candle was flaring itself out, and
everything assumed a ghastly blue tint as the first chill light of dawn,
previous to sunrise, stole into the room. I rose to my feet and went
over to the window. How cold and unsympathetic everything looked! I
felt chilly, and a cold shudder ran down my limbs. Absolute silence
prevailed, in the street, in the house, in the room, where lay the dead
woman staring fixedly before her. Kosinski had sunk into a chair, his
head between his hands. I looked at him in silence and bit my lip. An
unaccustomed feeling of revolt was springing up in me. I could not and
did not attempt to analyse my feelings, only I felt a blind unreasoning
anger with existence. How stupid, how objectless it all seemed! The
church clock rung out the hour, five o'clock. Kosinski rose, he walked
to the bedside, and closed poor Eudoxia's staring eyes, and drew the
sheet over her face. Then he came over to me.
"I shall never forget your kindness, Isabel. There is yet one thing I
will ask of you; I know that Eudoxia wanted a mass to be said for her
and Vassili; will you see about carrying out this wish of hers? I cannot
give you the money to pay for it; I have not got it."
I nodded in silent consent.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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