"You are right, Raymond, logically right, but life is not ruled by
logic, whether we be Anarchists or Reactionaries. I feel that I could
not give up the _Tocsin_, my interests centre round it; besides, I do
not say that I have altered my ideas; I am still an Anarchist, I can
honestly work for the Cause; I only said that I doubt. I feel depressed.
Who has not had at times periods of depression and doubt?"
"Well, we shall see," replied Raymond. "I got a letter from Caroline
last night which I wanted to show you. She says she will be home in
another three months, as she has accepted a further engagement for the
States now that her tour is nearly over. When she comes home it will be
a little company for you in the house. She has friends, and she is sure
to be much sought after now, as she seems fairly on the road to becoming
a celebrity in the musical world."
I read the long letter, written in the brilliant style which
characterised everything about Caroline. She described her triumphs in
the various cities of the Argentine and Brazil, the receptions given
in her honour, the life and society of these faraway countries, with a
brightness and humour which brought home to me the whole atmosphere of
the places and people she described. Caroline had always been fond of
society, and even before leaving England had become quite a favourite
in musical circles; but her quick, bright intelligence had never
allowed her to be blind to much that was vulgar and ludicrous in her
surroundings. I was truly glad to think that we should meet again before
long. The common memories and affections of our childhood formed a solid
basis for our mutual friendship, but I could not help smiling as I read
the last paragraph of her long epistle: "I expect by now Isabel has had
time to grow out of her enthusiasm for revolutions and economics, and
will feel less drawn towards baggy-trousered democrats and unwashed
philosophers than when I left. Perhaps she may even have come round to
my view of life, _i.e._, that it is really not worth while taking things
too tragically, and that it is best to take the few good things life
brings us without worrying one's brains about humanity. Selfish, is it
not? But I have generally noticed that it is your stern moralists and
humanitarians who cause the most unhappiness in the world. Anyhow, if
Isabel is less wrapped up in Socialism and Anarchy we shall be able
to have a good time when I come home. I am sure to be asked out a good
deal, and if the fashionable people who patronise musical celebrities
are not free from their foibles and ridicules we shall anyhow be able to
amuse ourselves and laugh at them up our sleeves."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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