We had unconsciously raised our voices in the heat of discussion, and
Kosinski, who had caught our last observations, broke in unexpectedly.
It was the first time he had opened his mouth to any purpose, and he
went straight to the point: "It is you bourgeois Socialists, with your
talk of helping us, and your anxiety about using your property 'to
the best advantage,' who are the ruin of every movement," he said,
addressing me in an uncompromising spirit. "What is wanted to accomplish
any great change is enthusiasm, whole-hearted labour, and where that is,
no thought is taken as to whether everything is being used to the best
advantage. If you are prepared to enter the movement in this spirit,
without any backward notion that you are conferring a favour upon any
one--for indeed the contrary is the case--well and good: your work will
be willingly accepted for what it is worth, and your money, if you have
any, will be made good use of; but if not, you had better side with your
own class and enjoy your privileges so long as the workers put up with
you."
These outspoken remarks were followed by a momentary silence. Mrs.
Trevillian looked dismayed; Miss Cooper evidently concluded that
Kosinski must have dined on steak; Dr. Armitage agreed, but seemed to
consider that more amenity of language might be compatible with the
situation. Nekrovitch laughed heartily, enjoying this psychological
sidelight, and I, who ought to have felt crushed, was perhaps the only
one who thoroughly endorsed the sentiment expressed, finding therein
the solution of many moral difficulties which had beset me. Kosinksi was
right. I felt one must go the whole length or altogether refrain from
dabbling in such matters. And as to property I again knew that he was
right; it was what I had all along instinctively felt. Private property
was, after all, but the outcome of theft, and there can be no virtue in
restoring what we have come by unrighteously.
Small things are often the turning-point in a career; and, looking back,
I clearly see that that evening's discussion played no small part in
determining my future conduct. I was already disposed towards Anarchist
doctrines, and my disposition was more inclined towards action of any
order than towards mere speculation. I was the first to speak. "Kosinski
is quite right; I am the first to recognise it. Only I think it a little
unfair to assume me to be a mere bourgeois, attempting to play the part
of lady patroness to the revolution. I am sure none who know me can
accuse me of such an attitude."
Kosinski grumbled out a reply: "Well, of course I may be mistaken; but
I have seen so many movements ruined by women that I am rather
distrustful; they are so rarely prepared to forgo what they consider the
privileges of the sex--which is but another phrase for bossing every one
and everything and expecting much in return for nothing; but of course
there may be exceptions. Perhaps you are one."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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