American fiction -- 19th century; Manners and customs -- Fiction
"Did you ever hear of an art-student under thirty who wasn't poor?" I
answered. "Upon my word, I have yet to sell my first picture. Then, as
for being friendless, there are not five people in the world who really
care for me."
"_Really_ care? I am afraid you look too close. And then I think five
good friends is a very large number. I think myself very well off with a
couple. But if you are friendless, it's probably your own fault."
"Perhaps it is," said I, sitting down in the rocking-chair; "and yet,
perhaps, it isn't. Have you found me so very repulsive? Haven't you, on
the contrary, found me rather sociable?"
She folded her arms, and quietly looked at me for a moment, before
answering. I shouldn't wonder if I blushed a little.
"You want a compliment, Mr. Locksley; that's the long and short of it. I
have not paid you a compliment since you have been here. How you must
have suffered! But it's a pity you couldn't have waited awhile longer,
instead of beginning to angle with that very clumsy bait. For an artist,
you are very inartistic. Men never know how to wait. 'Have I found you
repulsive? haven't I found you sociable?' Perhaps, after all,
considering what I have in my mind, it is as well that you asked for
your compliment. I have found you charming. I say it freely; and yet I
say, with equal sincerity, that I fancy very few others would find you
so. I can say decidedly that you are not sociable. You are entirely too
particular. You are considerate of me, because you know that I know that
you are so. There's the rub, you see: I know that you know that I know
it. Don't interrupt me; I am going to be eloquent. I want you to
understand why I don't consider you sociable. You call Mr. Johnson
conceited; but, really, I don't believe he's nearly as conceited as
yourself. You are too conceited to be sociable; he is not. I am an
obscure, weak-minded woman,--weak-minded, you know, compared with men. I
can be patronized,--yes, that's the word. Would you be equally amiable
with a person as strong, as clear-sighted as yourself, with a person
equally averse with yourself to being under an obligation? I think not.
Of course it's delightful to charm people. Who wouldn't? There is no
harm in it, as long as the charmer does not set up for a public
benefactor. If I were a man, a clever man like yourself, who had seen
the world, who was not to be charmed and encouraged, but to be convinced
and refuted, would you be equally amiable? It will perhaps seem absurd
to you, and it will certainly seem egotistical, but I consider myself
sociable, for all that I have only a couple of friends,--my father and
the principal of the school. That is, I mingle with women without any
second thought. Not that I wish you to do so: on the contrary, if the
contrary is natural to you. But I don't believe you mingle in the same
way with men. You may ask me what I know about it. Of course I know
nothing: I simply guess. When I have done, indeed, I mean to beg your
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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