A laugh a day keeps the doctor awayCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
A laugh a day keeps the doctor away
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
American wit and humor; Anecdotes
They brought a darky out of the jail in a North Carolina town with
intent to hang him for murder. This was in the day when capital
punishment was publicly inflicted. As a special mark of attention the
widow of the murderer’s victim was permitted to witness the event from a
position of vantage directly facing the gallows. She had had a sort of
small grandstand rigged up and she had decorated it with bunting, and
when the march to the scaffold started, there she sat in a white
mother-hubbard wrapper, gently agitating a palmleaf fan, flanked and
surrounded by relatives, invited friends and sister members of her
lodge.
When the condemned had been properly trussed up, with the noose dangling
about his neck, the sheriff, holding the black cap in his hand, edged up
to him and said:
“Well, Jim, we’re about ready. If you’ve got anything to say, I reckon
this would be a mighty good time to say it.”
“Yas, suh,” said the doomed, “I has got sump’n to say. I jest wants to
say dat I is fully repented fur whut I done. I taken it to de Lawd in
prayer an’ I knows it’s all right wid Him. I ast de jedge w’ich tried me
an’ de persecutin’ attorney an’ de foreman of de jury ef they bore me
any gredge, w’ich, one an’ all, they said they did not. An’ now I kin go
right straight to Hebben an’ nestle in de bosom of Father Abraham ef
only I kin git de fergiveness of dat nigger lady sittin’ yonder—de wife
of de man I kil’t.”
He lifted his voice, addressing the white-clad figure in front of him:
“Lady,” he entreated, “does you fergive me fur shootin’ yore husband six
times wid a fo-ty-fo’ caliver revolover?”
Excepting that her under lip jutted out a trifle farther there was no
sign she had heard him. She calmly fanned on.
The darky on the scaffold tried again:
“Lady,” he pleaded, “for de secont time I axes you, ain’t you please
ma’am, gwine fergive me?”
Still from her there was no response. It was as though she had not heard
him. The sympathetic sheriff felt moved to add his intercession:
“Aunt Myra,” he called, “Jim, here, will be goin’ away from us in a
minute and we don’t expect him back. Surely you don’t entertain any hard
feelin’s against him now? Won’t you speak to him and let him go in
peace?”
This time the obdurate widow shook her head in an emphatic negative. Yet
still she uttered no sound. The sheriff turned to the condemned.
“Jim,” he said, “you see how it is; that old woman is set in her ways.
What’s the use of wastin’ any more time on her? Besides, it’s hot as the
devil out here and I ought to be gettin’ on home to dinner. Just hold
still a second and we can have this all over.”
“Mr. Lucas,” sobbed Jim, “lemme see ef I still can’t sof’en dat nigger
woman’s stony heart. Lady,” he cried out, “wid mouty nigh my dyin’ bre’f
I begs you fur jest a word. I ain’t hopin’ no mo’ dat you’ll fergive me,
but won’t you please, ma’am, jest speak to me?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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