A laugh a day keeps the doctor awayCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
A laugh a day keeps the doctor away
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
American wit and humor; Anecdotes
“I don’t think I can take it,” said Mr. Finnerty, leaning wearily on his
pick. “I’m not as strong as I wance was; and I’m doubtin’ if I could go
through all that again and live!”
§ 3 Enough for Wilkins
From the lowlands a special judge was sent up to the Kentucky mountains
to try some murder cases growing out of a desperate and bloody feud. He
took with him as his official stenographer a young man from Louisville,
who dressed smartly and, in strong contrast to the silent mountaineers,
did considerable talking. For convenience let us call him Wilkins.
On his first Sunday morning in the mountain hamlet Wilkins felt the need
of a shave. He had no razor and there was no regular barber in the town;
but he learned from the hotel-keeper that there was an old cobbler
living a few doors away who sometimes shaved transients.
In a tiny shop Wilkins found an elderly native with straggly chin
whiskers and a gentle blue eye. The old chap got out an ancient razor
and was soon scraping away on the patron’s jowls. Wilkins felt the
desire for conversation stealing over him.
“This is a mighty lawless country up here, ain’t it?” he began.
“I don’t know,” said the old chap mildly. “Things is purty quiet jist at
present.”
He paused to put a keener edge on his blade.
“Well,” said Wilkins, “you won’t deny, I suppose, that you have a lot of
murders in this town?”
“We don’t gin’rally speak of ’em as murders,” said the old man in a tone
of gentle reproof. “Up here we jest calls ’em killin’s.”
“I’d call ’em murders, all right,” said Wilkins briskly. “If shooting a
man down in cold blood from ambush isn’t murder, then I don’t know a
murder when I see one, that’s all. When was the last man killed, as you
call it, here in this town?”
“Why, last week,” said the patriarch.
“Whereabouts was he killed?” continued Wilkins.
“Right out yonder in the street in front of this here shop,” stated the
old man, with the air of one desiring to turn the conversation. “Razor
hurt you much?”
“The razor’s all right,” said Wilkins snappily. “What I want to know are
the facts about the killing of this last man. Who killed him?”
The cobbler let the edge of the razor linger right over the Adam’s apple
of the stranger for a moment.
“I done so,” he said gently.
There was where the conversation seemed to begin to languish.
§ 4 Why the Major Didn’t Suit
On a voyage of one of the Cunard liners from New York to Liverpool a
Major H. Reynolds of London was registered on the passenger list. The
purser, running over the names, assigned to the same stateroom as fellow
travelers, this Major Reynolds and a husky stockman from the Panhandle
of Texas.
A little later the cattleman, ignoring the purser, hunted up the
skipper.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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