A laugh a day keeps the doctor awayCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
A laugh a day keeps the doctor away
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
American wit and humor; Anecdotes
Almost the first person who called upon him in a professional way was a
gaunt Tennesseean whom he had known as a child. The visitor stated that
he wished to bring a lawsuit against a neighbor, also a transplanted
Tennesseean, to decide a dispute which had arisen over a line fence.
“Now see here, Uncle Zach,” young Littleton said, “it’s too bad that two
old friends from the same part of the world should be lawing each other.
Isn’t there some way you men can settle this thing out of court?”
The old fellow shook his grizzled head.
“Martin, I’m afeard not,” he said. “When this yere row first got serious
betwixt us I made him a proposition. I suggested to him that we should
decide it the same way we used to decide sich arguments back home. I
told him if he’d meet me at sun-up in my pecan grove, bringin’ his
squirrel rifle with him, we’d stand up back to back and each one would
step off twenty steps and swing around and start shootin’. But Martin,
the low-flung craven, he couldn’t stand the gaff when the shootin’ time
came. He didn’t have the sand. When I’d stepped off twenty steps and
whirled around you kin believe it or not, but the cowardly dog had done
jumped behind a tree.”
“What happened then?” asked Littleton.
“Well, natchelly, Martin, that th’owed me behind a tree.”
§ 139 Not Listed among the Leading Ones Anyhow
A youth from the slums attained fame as a prize-fighter. With prosperity
and prominence, he turned arrogant.
One day he openly snubbed a companion of his earlier days. The snubbed
one presently sent an emissary to reproach him for his snobbishness.
“Jim says you ought to be ashamed of yourself for throwing him down now
when you two used to be such good friends,” stated the intermediary. “He
says he’s done you a whole lot of favors in the past.”
“Aw, tell him to forgit it!” growled the pug. “Dat guy never done
nothin’ for nobody. Whut did he ever do for me?”
“Well, all I know is he told me to ask you if you’d forgot that hotel
episode in Toledo when you were there together the time of the
Willard-Dempsey fight?”
“He’s a liar,” said the pugilist. “To begin with, they ain’t no Hotel
Episode in Toledo.”
§ 140 A Warning to the Yanks
When Sherman, after his march from Atlanta to the sea, turned his
columns northward he was temporarily halted just below Fayetteville,
North Carolina, while his engineers threw a temporary bridge across a
swollen creek, the Confederates in falling back having destroyed the
only bridge which spanned the stream. The retreating Southern army had
left behind in Fayetteville a population made up almost altogether of
women, children, boys too young to fight and men too old for service.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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