EDWIN. No, my dear, it's you who are responsible for anything that there may be to do with Miss Carruthers' nose, for it was you who put it out. But nothing is the matter with it. It's a lovely nose--especially the end of it. ETHEL. Her eyes appear to think so, for they're always looking there. But that may be, because it is the only object they can look at both together. EDWIN. You don't mean to say she squints! ETHEL. Abominably. EDWIN. Nothing of the sort. ETHEL. I never saw such eyes! EDWIN. Well, well, whatever they may be, she hasn't made them. ETHEL. But she has, repeatedly--at you. And that's what I object to. If folks do squint, they can't help it, but if folks who squint go on as if they didn't squint, why they deserve to have their eyes flung in their teeth. EDWIN. Now, why bring teeth into the question? What have Miss Carruthers' teeth done that they should be flung at? ETHEL. What they've done I'm sure I don't know, but I should imagine a good deal. They look as if they'd seen hard service. EDWIN. You compare them to a regiment of soldiers. ETHEL. Excuse me: to a regiment of volunteers: I should never have dreamt of comparing them to anything regular. EDWIN. Oh, nonsense, they're a string of pearls. ETHEL. Yes, pearls that have gone yellow. EDWIN. Anyhow, you must admit, she has a very amiable mouth. ETHEL. I don't think that her mouth is amiable at all, or it would cover up her teeth more. EDWIN. Well, what feature are you going to enlarge on next? Her ears? ETHEL. I'm sure her ears don't want enlarging on; they're big enough already. EDWIN. Now there's only her hair left. Abuse her hair. ETHEL. Oh, no, my love, she's not responsible for that. It's not her own. EDWIN. If she were only here now! ETHEL. But she's not; and what's more you're not going to where she is. EDWIN. I don't care where I go, so long as I leave this place. ETHEL. But you won't leave this place. We stop here a month. EDWIN. Ethel! ETHEL. A month. EDWIN. A week! ETHEL. A month. EDWIN. A fortnight! ETHEL. A month. EDWIN. There's not a soul here. ETHEL. Well, what of it? You're a married man. EDWIN. Alas! ETHEL. And you've no business carrying on with Miss Carruthers, and Miss Carruthers has no business carrying on with you. EDWIN. But she doesn't know I'm married. Ha, ha, ha! ETHEL. She must have seen it in the papers. EDWIN. But I didn't put it in the papers. ETHEL. You don't mean to say you haven't put our marriage in the papers! EDWIN. Not in one of them, my dear. I daren't. That girl had so made up her mind that I was going to propose to her, that the announcement of our marriage would have given her fits. ETHEL. And so it isn't in the papers! Oh! it isn't half being married, when it isn't in the papers! We stop here for two months.