MRS. P. What in the world induced you to come here? EDWIN. I wasn't induced to come here. I was brought. MRS. P. Indeed. Who brought you? EDWIN. Mrs. Larkspur. MRS. P. Mrs. Larkspur! EDWIN. (_aside_) Oh dear me, what _have_ I said? Yes, I was brought here by--my mother. MRS. P. Oh, your mother. Then, your mother's here? EDWIN. Yes, she was recommended the sea air. MRS. P. She's not well? EDWIN. No, she's not very well. In fact she's so ill that she has to keep her room. MRS. P. Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that. I fear, then, I shan't see her. EDWIN. I'm afraid you won't--(_aside_) considering she's been dead this twenty years. MRS. P. But you're not quite alone here, I perceive. I met Miss Darlington upon the stairs. EDWIN. Yes, she is staying here. MRS. P. Upon the look out for a husband, I suppose. How very plain she's grown! EDWIN. Plain? MRS. P. Don't you think so? EDWIN. Well, perhaps she isn't quite so pretty as she used to be. MRS. P. Pretty? She never was that. She once had a passable figure. EDWIN. An exquisite figure. MRS. P. Do you think so? What extraordinary taste you men have! Anyhow, she's gone off. EDWIN. (_jumping up_) Gone off! What, with Captain Plunger? MRS. P. Ha, ha, ha! You didn't think he'd run away with her? I meant, gone off in looks. EDWIN. Oh. (_drops again into a chair_) MRS. P. By the way, the captain _is_ here: came by the same train as we did: and we all know how she's angled for him. EDWIN. I don't though, I'm sure. MRS. P. You don't know how Miss Darlington has angled after Captain Plunger? Why, where ever have you been this five years? It's the talk of the whole regiment. So that there was some reason for your exclamation, though not much; for any one at all acquainted with the parties would be quite sure Captain Plunger wouldn't run away with Ethel Darlington. EDWIN. Why not? MRS. P. Oh! Captain Plunger is a man of taste. He couldn't possibly put up with any girl of that sort. EDWIN. What sort? MRS. P. Why, the sort of girl who is so very indiscriminate in the attention she receives. He has too great a scorn for such a character. EDWIN. And yet I think at the Artillery Ball I saw him putting up with Ethel Darlington to the extent of half-a-dozen dances in succession. He contrives to hide his scorn uncommonly. MRS. P. He would do. Captain Plunger is a perfect gentleman. He'd flirt with her, no doubt. EDWIN. I've seen him. MRS. P. He might even get engaged to her. EDWIN. Indeed! MRS. P. But he would never marry such a girl. EDWIN. Although he'd get engaged to her? MRS. P. Oh dear, no! Captain Plunger is a man of fine morality. EDWIN. I always thought he was that sort of man. MRS. P. The more one sees of him, the more one likes him. (_rising_) EDWIN. Really! Then, seeing him must have the opposite effect to hearing of him, for the more I hear of him the more I feel inclined to kick him. (_rising_) MRS. P. You don't like him? EDWIN. I detest him!