'After all, it's as well that you should know it--_canis reversus ad
vomitum suum._ Yes, I am expecting Colette. She is coming here after the
theatre. Do you object to meeting her?'
'Candidly,' replied René, 'I prefer not to see her.'
'And how do matters stand with you?' asked Claude.
After the poet had briefly acquainted him with the present position, the
scene at the Opera, Suzanne's visit, and her request for a meeting,
Larcher rejoined: 'What can I say to you? Have I the right to advise
you, weak as I am myself? But does that really matter? I can see my own
follies clearly enough, although I am continually stumbling like a blind
man. Why, then, should I not see clearly for you, who have perhaps more
energy than I? You are younger, and have never stumbled yet. . . . It
comes to this. Have you resolved to become, like me, an erotic maniac, a
madman ruled only by sexual passion, and--worse than all--a wretch
sensible of his own degradation? Then keep this appointment. Suzanne
will give you no reasons, not one. Don't you see that if she were
innocent the very sight of you would be hateful to her after what you
have said? She came to your house. Why? To blind you once more with her
beauty. Now she summons you to the very place where you will be least
able to resist that beauty. She will say what women always say in these
cases. Words--and words--and words again. But you will see her, you will
hear the rustle of her skirts. And, believe me, there is no love-potion
so powerful as treachery! You will feel the truth of this when you
stifle her with savage and brutish embraces--and then, good-bye to
reproaches! Everything is forgotten. But what follows? You saw how brave
I was yesterday. See what a coward I am to-day, and say to yourself,
like the workman who sees his drunken comrade staggering helplessly
along, "That's how I shall be on Sunday!" If, after all, you feel unable
to do without her--if you must have her, as the drunkard must have his
wine--you will find solace in this cowardice, even though it kill you.
That solace I have found. Glut yourself with this woman's love. It will
rid you either of your love for her or of your self-respect. You will
learn to treat Suzanne exactly as I treat Colette. But remember what I
have told you to-night--it is the end of all. Talent I no longer
possess. Honour! What should I do with it, having forgiven what I have
forgiven? My poor boy,' he concluded in tones of entreaty, 'you can
still save yourself. You are at the top of the ladder that leads down to
the sewer--listen to the cry of an unhappy wretch who is up to his neck
in filth at the bottom. And now, good-bye, if you don't want to see
Colette. Why did she tell you what she did? You knew nothing, and where
ignorance is bliss---- Good-bye once more, old man. Think of me and pity
me!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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