Laura ordered the gray ponies very often: she drove herself all over the
country. She visited not only the neighbouring but the distant poor, and
she never went out without stopping for one of the vicar's fresh
daughters. Mellows was now half the time full of visitors and when it
was not its master and mistress were staying with their friends either
together or singly. Sometimes (almost always when she was asked) Laura
Wing accompanied her sister and on two or three occasions she paid an
independent visit. Selina had often told her that she wished her to have
her own friends, so that the girl now felt a great desire to show her
that she had them. She had arrived at no decision whatever; she had
embraced in intention no particular course. She drifted on, shutting her
eyes, averting her head and, as it seemed to herself, hardening her
heart. This admission will doubtless suggest to the reader that she was
a weak, inconsequent, spasmodic young person, with a standard not
really, or at any rate not continuously, high; and I have no desire that
she shall appear anything but what she was. It must even be related of
her that since she could not escape and live in lodgings and paint fans
(there were reasons why this combination was impossible) she determined
to try and be happy in the given circumstances--to float in shallow,
turbid water. She gave up the attempt to understand the cynical _modus
vivendi_ at which her companions seemed to have arrived; she knew it was
not final but it served them sufficiently for the time; and if it served
them why should it not serve her, the dependent, impecunious, tolerated
little sister, representative of the class whom it behoved above all to
mind their own business? The time was coming round when they would all
move up to town, and there, in the crowd, with the added movement, the
strain would be less and indifference easier.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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