Adultery -- Fiction; French fiction -- 19th century
He looked at the clock which was pointing to midnight. He had been in
these throes for an hour. He left his study with the lamp in his hand.
The narrow wooden staircase, which was covered with a red carpet, was
devoid of sound and light. All the servants were in bed. He went down
the steps of the staircase leaning on the bannisters, his legs
trembling, his lips parched, his throat choking. He was in front of the
door of his wife's bedroom. He gave two slight knocks with the back of
his hand. There was no reply. He turned the brass handle and leaned
against it. The door was double-locked, and the key was inside.
"She is asleep," he said to himself.
The action of descending the stairs, and then of pressing against the
door, had used up the feverish impulse produced by excess of
uncertainty. Instead of knocking again, he paused, motionless.
"She is asleep," he repeated to himself; "if I awake her, what shall I
say to her?"
He remained standing against the wall, with the lamp at his feet,
listening. Only the murmur of nocturnal Paris reached him, and he
reflected. He could see by anticipation the manner in which Helen would
receive him. She would be lying in her bed, her plaited hair rolled
about her head, while the lace of her fine night-dress quivered at neck
and wrist.
At the thought of this, Alfred experienced a thrill of amorous emotion
that restored to him the timidity with which the desire of his wife's
person always overwhelmed him, and he continued to picture the scene.
"What shall I say to her?--'You have lied to me.' And what will she
reply?"
He foresaw the countless pretexts that Helen could advance to explain
her walk.
"I shall ask her: 'Are you in love with Armand?'"
He felt himself incapable of being the first to articulate the words in
that way. Moreover, what might not the result of the question be? If it
were not true that she was in love with Armand, he would inflict useless
pain upon her, which would aggravate still further their divorce of
intimacy. What if it were true? She would not acknowledge it. She had
lied just now. What would another lie cost her?
Irresolution proved the stronger. He went up to his study again without
having made a fresh attempt. There was a lull for a few minutes, such as
succeeds to acute crises. It was one o'clock in the morning.
"I will go to sleep," he said to himself. "When I awake it will be time
enough to make up my mind."
As was usual with him, he arranged a few papers, carefully covered up
the fire to avoid accidents, and was almost tranquil as he got into bed.
But scarcely was he there before his anguish began again, more torturing
than before. The avenue in the Jardin des Plantes again extended its
vault of naked branches beneath which Helen and Armand passed along.
What were they saying to each other? The well-known voice uttered again
the fatal syllables, "Since yesterday!" Ah! Liar! liar! the deceiver!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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