Adultery -- Fiction; French fiction -- 19th century
Yes, the fatal hour had struck for Helen, and she felt it. How many
times during the last fortnight had she had this horrible discussion
with Armand, who always ended by requiring from her this last token of
love? She was sensible that after each of these scenes she had been
lessened in the eyes of this man. A few more, and he would lose
completely his faith in the feeling which she entertained towards him, a
feeling that was absolute and unreasoned; for she loved him, as women
alone are capable of loving, with such a love as is almost in the nature
of a bewitchment, and is the outcome of an irresistible longing to
afford happiness to the person who is thus loved. She loved him and she
loved to love him. Pain in those beloved eyes was physically intolerable
to her, and intolerable also mistrust, which betokened the shrinking
back of his soul.
She had taken account of all this, she had looked the necessity for her
guilt in the face, and she had resolved to offer herself to her
"beloved," as in her letters she always called him, because "friend" was
too cold, and the word "lover" purpled her heart with shame,--yes, to
offer him the supreme proof of tenderness that he asked for, and now,
when on the point of consenting, she was impotent. Her will was failing
at the last moment. Was she going again to begin what she used to call,
when she thought about it, a hateful contract? Ah! why was she not
free--free, that is, from duties towards her child, the only being whom
she could not sacrifice to him whom she loved--free to offer this man
not a clandestine interview but a flight together, a complete sacrifice
of her entire life.
All these thoughts came and went in her poor head while she herself was
walking to and fro in the room. She looked again at her lover. She
fancied she could see a change come over the features of the countenance
she idolised.
"Armand," she resumed, "do not be sad. I consent to all that you wish."
These words, which were uttered in the deep voice of a woman probing to
the inmost chamber of her heart, appeared to astonish the young man even
more than they moved him. He wrapped Helen in his strange gaze. If the
poor woman had had strength enough to observe him she would not have
encountered in those keen eyes the divine emotion which atones for the
guilt of the mistress by the happiness of the lover. It was just the
same gaze, at once contemptuous and inquisitive, with which he had
lately contemplated the group formed by Alfred and Helen. But the latter
was too much confused by what she had just said to keep cool enough for
observing anything.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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